HUMMINGBIRDGARDEN

Second Year Anniversary of Separation

2010-12-23T06:51:00.000-08:00

I have not been blogging on this blog as much. Not that I don't care, just that I have been writing his stories on my genealogy blog for our grandchildren. My Hero was a special man. He is greatly missed and I have had a hard time this second year. I suppose it is sorting out emotions. There is definitely a big hole in my life. I am thankful for the knowledge that we will be together again, this is a great support, as well as our wonderful family that has held up my drooping arms and supported my sagging knees. I love them one and all.

A Very Important Date.

2010-05-18T07:57:00.001-07:00

Happy Sealing Day Family!
33 years ago your dad and I chose to be sealed in the Mesa Temple for all time and eternity.

In our church, this is usually worn by the youth as a Choose The Right ring to remind them of choices they make affect the rest of their life. The Counselor to the Prophet of our church gave the thought to the members that it would be good for the older set to wear it as a reminder for "Current Temple Recommend". I wear it for a dual reminder, to remember the choices I make affect me eternally and thus my reuniting with the Hero when I leave this life. I also wear it to remind me to keep my temple recommend current. I wear this instead of a wedding ring.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

2010-05-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

glitter-graphics.com

I knew today was his birthday. I had even wished his twin brother Happy Birthday. But, for some reason I was not prepared when I opened my page on Facebook and saw where my daughter had wished her daddy Happy Birthday. I admit it, I cried. Everyone is gone today and no one has called so I have the peace of crying openly without anyone having to console. I miss him, but I know that he is okay and I am okay too. I am not sure of what my full feelings are, I try to write them, but somehow there are no words to express my loss or pain. We were not perfect, but we were as one as you can get.

Happy Birthday my Love, I pray that you can feel your families love still poured toward you.
I love you,
The Hummer

My Dear Grandchildren

2010-04-10T23:51:00.000-07:00

My dear Grandchildren:

I was pondering some things that I have observed. As I pondered these matters I became very desirous to share them with my grandchildren. However, many of my grandchildren are not yet born and their children are not born. How do I share with them? The idea came to me that I could write these things down, and ask my children to share these things with their children, who can share them with their children.

The first item I wished to share with my grandchildren is : that there are many in the world who promote the idea that we are always supposed to be happy. This is not just a silly idea, it is a dangerous one that leads ultimately to misery.

Love

Grandpa Ellsworth

Beginning With The End -The Journal

2010-03-01T22:34:00.000-08:00

Aug/ 2008

A simple burial place is fine so long as my sweetie will be near by.
I would like for the following to speak at my funeral.
Bishop,
Warren Kirkby,
Monte Johnson,
My Home Teacher,
Anybody that wants to.
I want Linda and family, Gail, Nolen to be included as family.

My biggest regret is that I have been so slow to repent. I fear I may be counted as slothful. I do love the Lord. I have no doubt in his mercy and desire to see us happy. My fear is that I have disappointed Him.

I love my wife so much. I love her with the greatest intensity. I love my children and grandchildren. Even those that have failed the most have given me great joy by their soldiering on.

My life has been hard but sweet. Mostly, it has been more humbling than hard.

My blessing for all my family including adopted children is
"That the Lord will give them a very strong desire to be faithful and to resist weakness."

Pray for me.
May we meet again and be united.

(A post note: He wrote this just before he went into the hospital with gangrene, the journal was found a month after the funeral, in his illness he had gotten to where it was hard to think or concentrate, and thus forgot to tell me of his entry. The blessing was everything happened as he wished.)

Intentions For This Year.

2010-02-24T20:33:00.001-08:00

The Hero loved his family and his Savior Jesus Christ. I have decided to put his testimonies of different aspects of his love for Christ on the blog as his lasting testimonies for his family and any others who care to read.
" August,2000: This is not a diary. It is a book of remembrance. It is for the purpose of calling myself and my children to a remembrance of the things the Lord has done for us."

I Remembered

2009-10-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

I don't pay attention to the date much unless I am writing a check or something that has to be dated. Yesterday I was making a deposit. It was the 24th. I felt a loss then. It was our wedding anniversary. What a time it was. The Hero had been so intense on making it a wonderful event. We had family come all the way from Houston, including his grandmother who was a social event master. The night before I had to go for my fitting of my dress, my cousin made it in Oklahoma while I was at school in Texas. I was almost late getting back...right on the line. The Hero was getting worried. I shook all the way down the isle, don't ask me why. But when I arrived next to my Hero and he took my hand, I calmed down. I took the first step in my journey in life as his wife. He never failed to provide love, comfort, temporal needs, and spiritual needs. I will begin posting some of his letters and notes for the family to fill out his wishes.

Health Care

2009-09-06T08:02:00.001-07:00

I have been reading the news, the Internet news pages from England, and people's emails about the death panels and lack of care thus ending life early.
In writing this I do not want the reader to think I am bitter. It was what it was and others have had to endure more. We have seen life end so organs could be harvested. The medical profession is not the compassionate service profession it has been. I just want to make my statement on our medical profession as it is.
We did not have insurance because Ned could not afford the high risk insurance rates after his company mistakenly had used a company not licensed in the state of Texas. Then he had already had skin cancer in his ear and they considered him high risk. Thus when we went in for diagnosis, every medical doctor involved, said sorry, good luck and tried to pawn him off on the State hospital. The paper work did not move along fast. When he went to the emergency room in Galveston, a surgeon accepted his case because they needed to do a colostomy. They lied to him that they would reverse it. The radiation doctors took him then. An then the chemotherapy doctors on the recommendation of the radiation doctors and after a drug company said they would offer the drugs for the use of experiment, took him as a patient. The cancer continued to grow for another 10months after initial diagnosis. It was never advised that the colon cancer was not the initial cancer, we figured that out much later. The initial cancer was on the outside of the colon and that was what actually cause his death and his great pain as it destroyed his coccyx and started on his pelvic girdle.
This is a picture of him just 5 months before his death. He was hopeful, energetic, and the pain had reduced. A week later we went into the cancer clinic and they told him they were stopping all his treatments that none of them had worked. He was in shock. A Patient advocate then got him an appointment with the radiation oncologist to see if they would do more for him...the RO said on viewing the plates and tests that they had "read the results wrong" and recommended that they reenter Ned for treatments again.
They dragged their feet for weeks, then he became really ill and had to go in for gangrene in his pelvic/groin area from the radiation treatments 8 months before. [ I, as you know, had asked what happened to the tissue that the radiation kills. The answer had been that the body absorbs it. That is simply not true. The chemotherapy they follow up with kills the cells that are capable of that, and they know it. The end result is always, it comes out through the nearest exit. Internally usually the skin, but people don't recognize what it is. ] When he was in the hospital, they treated him with a clorox, baking soda combination they called a technical name until we were going home and the pharmacy gave me the formula so I could make my own. The chemotherapy made an appointment to see him in a week. A hurricane came in a week later and put the "state hospital" UTMB in Galveston out of commission. A few weeks later, in an private hospital emergency room, I found out the treatment hadn't been used for 40 years. We survived that, and were still able to function relatively normal. He kept pushing to get more treatment, they told him MD Anderson Hospital would take him since he had scheduled treatment at UTMB Galveston. Finally we heard from MD Anderson, visited them (this is 3 months after they had"mistakenly stopped his treatments") they said they would see him in two weeks. In the meantime, he developed great pain. He said, I have and infection I need to go in. We went into the emergency room, they held him there 24 hours after they knew what was wrong after a cat scan, but did not tell us the results, a doctor never came in and visited him only nurses. I did most of the care. When we got on the floor, it was another 24 hours before a doctor actually came in and saw him, this I have to note was because of a compassionate nurse who called and complained that a doctor still had not come. Ned was a hungry person, loved his food and ate every meal. His main concern was he wanted to go home as soon as the pain was under control. Again, I did most of his care. I slept in his room and did everything for him. Not tooting horns here, just explaining the level of care.
The doctor pulled me out and advised me to start funeral arrangements. I was shocked. They were " working on managing his pain" and horrendously raised his morphine dosage IV. I said as long as he was able to function I wasn't for "pulling the plug". I kept questioning this and they said it was normal to do for cancer patients. He began to have a hard time breathing which interfered with his eating. I had told them that it had been 3 days since his colostomy had worked, they said they would note it...Then in the evening, his breathing became almost chain-stokes type breathing, the doctor said was just a matter of time. I asked if anything could be done what was happening, then she told me that since he had come in he had fluid in his lungs and a infection...(that they were not addressing, because he was dying)...they could go in and drain the lung but he would have to be put on a breathing tube...I said well that was okay to medically treat a problem. So they finally took him into the Respiratory ICU to drain his lung. They decided to put him on a Cpac mask instead of entubation. The nurse, no doctor visited while I stayed, one only came into the waiting room to tell me I I could go back to be with him, told me that the amount of morphine they had had him on had shut down his respiratory system further complicating his breathing, they had drained 2 liters of fluid off his lung and started him on antibiotics. I told them his colostomy was not working, they said they would call the wound care. Two days later, and an unbelievable number of different drugs IV hanging, they moved him back to a room. He was uncognitive of his surroundings, the day, who people were, and I had to feed him. This is 5 days now, again, I complained that his colostomy still was not working. I called the patient advocate who happened to be someone in administration for the weekend, and oh my they ordered some stuff to try and get the colostomy to work. For almost 7 days, the doctors had ignored this very important challenge. I asked could his confusion be related to the number of antibiotics? No, said they, antibiotics don't cause that problem, (liars). I watched everything like a hawk, because I was really his only advocate. After 4 colostomy chocolate enemas, they got some really rock hard stuff, caused by the initial over morphine ( acknowledged by the caregivers), out and the colostomy began to work again. They said there wasn't anything they could do for him (now the only test that had been done aimed at the cancer was the initial cat scan in ER), taught me how to drain his lung with a denver catheter, and released him to a in house hospice. I jumped at the chance to get him away from the hospital so I could reclaim his brain. When I arrived at the hospice, they had sedated him more on the trip so he would be comfortable. I went home to get some clothes and bathe, about 30 minutes after I had arrived, I received a call saying that he had gotten up and tore out his catheter, and was upset because he couldn't find me. I went back, the next morning he had to go to the emergency room for the bleeding. The doctor never looked at him, they never looked to see if there was damage to the urethera, he was dying. They reinserted another catheter since he couldn't get up and go himself. The first night the nurse and I had a come to meeting. She was going to give him a sedative for sleep. Now he has not been able to stay awake, have cognitive thoughts, or eat. I advised her she was not giving the medication to him. She said it is to keep him comfortable ...hrumph!....they just want to keep them out! I told them I did not want him to be so heavily sedated he could not reason and choose what he wanted. Unbelievably, I was able to keep them at bay long enough for him to be able to focus long enough to tell them to not give him sleeping medication and haldol (sp) to keep him sedated. He said "I want to be able to think". That was in the beginning of November. They were amazed that from that moment he improved to where I was able to get them to let me take him home and their nurse could visit. By the way, other than changing the sheets and giving the medications, I did all his care here too, including the denver drain which they did not know how to do.
At home we had a close time. It was just for 6 weeks, but it was six weeks of conversations, visiting with men and women that he loved who came by to see him. The sad thing was I was never able to turn his ability to eat well back around from the time in MD Anderson. They started him on a decline I could not turn back around. He took the minimun pain medication to be able to talk with his family which he was able to tell every one of them he loved them. He planned he own funeral. He looked at me through his oxygen mask and said "I love you". All of which if we had not fought for would have been lost because the medical community wanted to sedate him to an earlier grave. He drew his last breath on Christmas Eve and went peacefully to his maker.
The decision to shorten his life was made by doctors who no longer care beyond their paycheck or earnings. It started with his initial diagnosis and ended with his hospice care where a doctor never visited him at home. I found out later that the UTMB hospital hated taking patients without insurance. It was their policy to do a minimum treatment and end it thus the stopping of the chemotherapy, when it was just beginning to work. The minimal medical treatment (interestingly a treatment that the nurses and doctors has to learn because it was not done any longer) for a life threatening infection, gangrene, and sending him home when it was not resolved. Myself being the only person who knew how to do the treatment once we left the hospital. MD Anderson had refused to treat him until the hurricane situation forced them into at least interviewing him. I regret ever going there. Don't seek medical help unless you have "good insurance". They may say they treat everyone, but the levels are definitely evident and if it is turned to government care, then how my Ned was treated will be for everyone and not everyone has an ex nurse wife to advocate for them or take the treatments beyond what the doctors have in mind which is shortening the life. The AMA is not your friend.

A Joyous Memory and Beginning for our Family

2009-05-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

This is our 32nd anniversary of our family's sealing in the Mesa Temple. The young man on the right is the missionary that taught our family the lessons. He left before we were baptized, so we were thankful he was able to come for our sealing. The Hero, myself, our oldest daughter and second daughter went. Our oldest son was in the womb. I was 7months pregnant. Our entire family are grateful to the Hero in holding the principles of families, truth, and eternal principles dear to his heart, teaching them (albeit, lengthy at times) to his children and his grandchildren. He loved them all dearly enough to continue to strive to live in such a way that the promise would be held.

Happy Birthday Hero

2009-05-01T15:47:00.001-07:00

The Hero at 6months.
I am so thankful that the Hero was born. He blessed me with 6 wonderful children and gave me a faith that has seen be thru the pain of his being gone.
He loved us well and gave the family a great legacy.
I love you my hero.

I Have a New Blog

2009-01-13T20:29:00.000-08:00

The Hero always had time for some fun or if a child needed to visit about anything he was there.
These were some giant armenian cucumbers he grew in our garden. He thought they were much too fun to just eat, so he became a Water Buffalo.

I decided that this blog was a great memorial to my hero. I will not be adding much to it. I have started a new blog http://joyoustomorrows.blogspot.com/ This will help me think my way through my new horizons. Visit me if you would like. I hope this site will help some who are facing some of the challenges that my hero did.

Just know God is kind and merciful. Nothing happens by chance. We are all his children and he will care for us.

Gifts of Love

2008-12-28T01:55:00.000-08:00

Today we laid my hero to rest. He was so sweet. I didn't know it, but he had left little gems of loving comments with special friends who shared them at his funeral today. It was a long hard day, but a joyous one that was uplifting to me and our family. We know the hero is in the arms of his Heavenly Father, and is rolling up his sleeves to work hard on the other side of the veil.
I hope that our posts have been a uplifting source to those who have come by to visit. The calls, letters, hand shakes, hugs, visits were, through out our ordeal, rays of sunshine that brightened our days.
May God bless you all as you have blessed us.
Thank you again,
the Hummer

Endings are the Doors to New Beginnings

2008-12-24T18:40:00.001-08:00

My heart is heavy as I post this last post. The hero, after a long and valiant fight with colon cancer, passed on Tuesday the 23nd from this life to the next. Words I would use to describe his heart was kind, gentle, loving, uplifting, caring. He loved Heavenly Father, was thankful to Christ for the atonement. His was a very peaceful passing. Our oldest son and his wife were in attendance. While it was painful to know that the last breath was taken, the spirit told me it was for his benefit. He had gradually gotten weaker until he wasn't able to lift a spoon. He couldn't swallow. I had spent a day encouraging him to sip fluids to prevent him from having dehydration. I didn't want him to have severe cramping that goes with the dehydration. When he began to live in the world of angels more than this life, you could tell that it was harder and harder to come back to to this world to answer questions. My pain was that I could not hold him in my arms because every part of his body was extremely sensitive to touch.

God was good to us. We had 38 years of wonderful times and experiences together. Six children that have been awesome blessing to our lives. Then there was the 13 grandchildren that brightened the hero's days as he watched them grow, that brought smiles to his face even in the last two days of his life. His little granddaughter of 1 year would stand at his bedside and peer up to him looking for recoginition and both would smile at the other, if it happened.

I stand at the beginning of another phase of my life, as I accept the loss of my sweetheart. I do not dispair for I know that my Heavenly Father is mindful of my needs and will continue to hold me up as I step forth into my future.

Thank you for all your prayers and loving concern during the last year and a half, they were all greatly appreciated.

Have to Share My Funny

2008-12-17T07:49:00.001-08:00

If I had a Santa HO HO HO, I would play it with this.

I have to share with you my funny. I say my funny. because it was a funny thing I did.

On Sunday, I wanted to wish my oldest granddaughter a "Happy Birthday". She was turning 15 an almost age, so I wanted to let her know I thought it was important.

Well...I started calling both of her parents phones at 1pm well after church to talk with her. No answer.

I emailed.

I yahoo IM'd, told my granddaughter I would have text messaged her if I had her phone number . I text messaged her mom's phone. No answers. Finally, in a moments desperation, I left a message on my son-in-law's phone saying, 'If you look out your window, you will see a little old lady with a picket sign walking up and down in front of your house. The sign says "Unfair treatment of a grandmother when she can't call her granddaughter." ' Still no response.

About 2 hours later, I received a call from...my granddaughter, my red head. I was so excited. I began telling her about my delima. She laughed and said "Grandma, my birthday is not until Wednesday." LOL. I had three more days before I was late. I told her that in that case, she needed to tell her dad to disregard the message I left. We both had a laugh about that. It was just wonderful getting to talk with her.

I am a blessed woman. I have wonderful, loving, caring, and kind children and grandchildren. That includes the wonderful ones who married my children.

Christmas Comes in a Car

2008-12-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

This was our Monday Family Home Evening. Christmas in a car. Our youngest son went to a friends house for a Christmas party that we all usually go to. It was promising to be a quiet, possibly lonely evening. Our home and visiting teacher came by to drop off and pick up some things the hero needed. (They are wonderful people that serve with their whole hearts.) As they were preparing to leave a car drove up. We were baffled because no one had called and said they were coming. When you live at least 8 miles from civilization(although to those of you in the mountains that is not much, in the city minded folk that is a distance), most people call first to make sure you are going to be there or are able to take visitors. In seconds, the house was filled with Christmas. My sweet daughters had pooled together and had brought their families up. No easy feat, both live 2 hours away. The older boys made hot chocolate. Our girls had brought cinnamon rolls to go with it. The babies were busy giggling and seeking what they could get into. After a prayer, the family sang Christmas songs with the hero. He had the energy for a verse. Then he just leaned back and enjoyed all. Little Red's giggles brought a huge smile on his lips. I was gratified to see that. Miss Smiles melted his heart with her smile and thrown kisses. May my girls and their husbands be blessed for their efforts to bring joy to the hero. God has been good to us.

Feeling Our Way

2008-12-11T20:11:00.000-08:00

When we came home, no one thought the Hero would make it out of the hospice. Now that we are at home the nurses are constantly second guessing the Lord as to when the Hero's time has come. He is weak and the morphine really hurts him mentally...ie: depression. Our biggest problem has been the urine catheter. Most of the time we spend reading or watching up lifting videos. The Hero can not stand violence or hateful things, not even in the form of humor ie: "Home Alone". He loves hymns and prayer.

The last two days have been cold for here. We have to use electric heaters because of his oxygen. He did like it when I opened the door for him to see snow in Montgomery TX. Not a usual happening. Of course the snow was not like the picture, but the flakes were huge like the snowflakes up north. We were amused by the phone calls from our son and daughters. It is funny for years one can long for snow, then after living in it for a short time, the enjoyment dwindles with the knowledge of what comes with snow.

The other morning I had been really tired from up and down all night. My oldest son called just to say "Hi, how are you?" It was an encouragement I needed. The hardest thing about cancer is the pain that takes away the ability of loved ones to hold or cuddle the person hurting. Since I am a huggy type person, you have to understand that my inner self is in great pain. It is not my desire to complain, it is merely my desire to express my pain to let some of it go. I know that one day, we will greet each other with wonderful hugs and kisses on the other side. I just miss them so very much with him right next to me. We exchange kisses and smiles as our manner of loving one another.

Right now, the hope is that he will make it through the Christmas holidays, in order that the children can make it to see him and spend some time with him. I just don't know what the Lord has in mind. I do what I can. Don't mistake this post as one of discouragement, rather one of bewilderment. Between the nurses and the fatigue, it is hard to keep in tune with the spirit and understand what is happening.

We Are Decking the Hall with Holly

2008-11-28T16:47:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was a wonderful blessing.

Surrounded by my children that could make it home and their children. My sweet Hero was alternately grateful for all the attention and overwhelmed.

He loved the fun of watching them play board games and watching the leaves falling from the large window in the living room where his bed is situated.

We had a traditional meal with the dressing being my one disaster this year. The turkey was so fat that the dressing was just swimming in the fat. We disposed of it and enjoyed my son-in-law's favorite mashed potatoes with the meal. Now it is the day after and we have all leaned back and just tried to

relax for the early part of the day until most have dispersed. My number 4 child

is still here and setting up Christmas decorations for us. She is a blessing too.

Christmas promises to be a special time for us. So far, Heavenly Father has been blessing my Hero with his strength increasing daily. Does this say the cancer is gone? No, but he is busy searching for things to do that are uplifting and good for others. I so love him. He is uplifting to me, even when he is sitting and thinking for the next thing for me to do. LOL

We are having to work on what we thought might be bed sores beginning. I am beginning to think that maybe it is the same stuff as the gangrene he had on his groin. All that nasty stuff inside must have a way of getting out...if skin is the closest area...that is what it will be. Enough negative. We are excited about the upcoming holiday. God is in His heaven and He loves us all so much that he gave his only begotten Son.

Through Christ's atonement, we are afforded the ability to overcome.

I love Christmas so I will be enjoying posting this month to use my free clip art.

Some Things are Priceless

2008-11-19T20:23:00.001-08:00

The Hero made the following comment as he hung up his phone from talking with a treasured old friend. With tears in his eyes he said, "I can never be poor, when I have the wealth of such friends."

This is such a truth.

We are excited! We are going home! It is still under the supervision of hospice, but it will be just 2 or 3 visits a week. The rest of the time he can enjoy home. Blessings do hold our hopes up.

Tonight the Hero is exhausted. An old friend from college came by, a cousin, and three friends from church. The visits were wonderful and he laughed and joked and reminiscing of times past. Now that the excitement has diminished, he is resting quietly on his pillow.

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that is mindful of his lowly servants needs. What joy to know, we will be in the gentle surroundings of our own home. Praise be to His name.

Love to all

More Things I Have Learned

2008-11-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

This is a sunset. Sometimes during the storm, it looks so dark then the clouds start dispersing and you see a glorious sunset and know that there is still great beauty around.

That is how I feel today. We are at the hospice. Lovely people, but all still have the same mindset that the doctors at the hospital did. It is over just keep him sedated and he will just be fine. WELL, my hero just needed a break. Yesterday the family that was closest all came by and visited with him. By the end of the day, he was more alert, but still very weak. They finally started moving his pain medication back to where it was before we went into the hospital. I had been worrying about having a new doctor to start all over with. (The hospice doctor takes over the care and all other doctors disappear.) God steps in and wa la...the doctor comes in (and while he is not the only doctor, he is one of them that will see the Hero) and surprise of surprises, he was the doctor that inserted the chest tube in the Hero's pleura space to drain the fluid off his lungs at the hospital. He, after visiting with the Hero, increased the pain long acting medication back to what it was before hospitalization.

That relaxed the hero so much that he fell asleep after being given the medication and slept from 9pm to 3 am. Now when you are in the room and want to sleep until 6am...not so cool...but when you are awaken by a wide awake time oriented and alert spouse that you have not been able to have a sane conversation with for 8 days...the sleep dissipates and you sit up and take notice. This is were we had a strong discussion with the night nurse. Her thought was just sedate him and it doesn't matter that he won't be able to think. I said 'no'...he wants to be able to make choices. The Hero after listening to the exchange, then told the nurse he needed pain relief, but did not want to be sedated. So she went to the doctor at 4am and asked for his pain medication to be completely put back to his home meds. Woo hoo...he now has a mind...they were giving him an anti-psychotic, and sleep medication. It pays to ask questions about what are you giving "me".

As I was contemplating all that has happened, it came to me that going through these times have given us lessons in enduring to the end. Christ says "endure to the end that you may have eternal life." I thought "hmmm, if we just sedate ourselves with "whatever", then we miss the opportunity to learn how to endure." I have learned that endurance is done with a clear mind and accepting heart.

Our children and the Hero too have frequently wondered why the blessings of healing when he goes through so much. It has sometimes had an appearance of Job. The Hero, even when his mind was clouded, found solace in trying to say a prayer. He remembered that prayers of gratitude to the Lord were important. Sometimes the prayers were a simple "Heavenly Father, please help me". I have learned that comfort permeates the person who has a prayer in their heart. There is great peace in him. Unless of course I leave and he didn't really realize that I had left, then it can be a challenge.

I must stop and pay attention to my hero. May the Lord be with me and thee. Hummer

Preparations Must be Made

2008-11-12T17:56:00.000-08:00

Just letting everyone know what the oncologist said today. He said that the cancer is so extensive and the Hero is so weak that chemo and radiation is not an option. He was interested in Dad's hopes and said that keeping his hope alive was important. However, the decision to not do extra measures (such as CPR) if he had heart failure etc. was made. That is what the Hero wants, he never wanted to be on a machine. At this point, Dr. Patel ( The Hero has faith and trust in him and had asked him to continue on the case if he could.), has the goal to get him home. It may be via inhouse hospice...and kind of medical halfway house...then home on hospice. The Hero was asking yesterday to go home. It has been determined that since he has a damaged liver, that the medication is not being metabolized as it should and that is why he is so sedated. So hmmm... hope is that we can discontinue the Haldol a strong antipsycotic drug that was given to aid him in the confusion experienced after ICU. Prayers are in order. All is in Heavenly Father's hands, I am at peace with whatever He has in mind. I will do all I can and strive to keep The Hero's hope alive until he is called home to Heavenly Father. I am writing, because I love all of you and my sinuses can't handle the tears I experience talking about this. The Hero is my special friend, we have had a wonderful life of 38 years together, 7 marvelous children and 13 awesome grandchildren. The years have been filled with fun, challenges, laughter, and love.
I don't like facing this...but I can do it and Heavenly Father is with me always.

Gratitude

2008-11-06T13:41:00.000-08:00

Fall, especially November, is a time for expressing our gratitude to Heavenly Father for the bounteous blessings that he has given us through out the year. For our fore- fathers, it was for the crops and actually living for another year. It is not so with us, there are too many things that distract us from properly expressing that gratitude. Many have big family dinners, then mom or grandmother fall exhaustively into a chair afterwards. Others consider it a great day to shop or go play on the lake etc. Considering the size of our countries population, only a few take the time to reflect and meditate on the blessing they have received. ....Off my soap box.

I want everyone who reads this to know, I know that there is a loving Heavenly Father who listens to and answers our prayers. I know that He is mindful of our every need. Sometimes, it is hard to distinguish between wants and needs. I am thankful for a righteous man who has been a good steward over his church duties, family duties, and as a husband. I am very grateful to my Heavenly Father who has blessed me with special time and love with my hero.

Today, we have been told that there is excessive fluid in the hero's left lung. They will draw off the fluid tomorrow. And that should allow the lung to re inflate. I am grateful for the blessing that the fluid can be drawn off. I pray for the hero's safety and the arms of Christ to encircle him in his time of need.

I would also like to express my love and gratitude for all of those that have prayed for the hero and put his name on prayer rolls and have extended helping arms and hands. I love all of you. It is uplifting to know angels are here with me. God bless you all.

The Hummer

Infections Reveal Themselves

2008-11-05T22:56:00.000-08:00

Like a rainbow revealing a pot of gold, the hero's temperature has revealed two infections going on.

The urine test came back that he had a bladder infection. That is not unusual for someone with an indwelling catheter. (They have not learned as I have to listen to the hero because he lives close to the spirit and many times has told me things which were true but not things I wanted to accept because I did not see the evidence...which later presented itself.)The bladder infection still did not answer for me why the hero was experiencing shortness of breath. Today one of the several disciples of doctors ordered a x-ray done. We waited to find out the results.

At 3 pm they decided to change his morphine to Fentayl. A very strong opioid. First he was given Lyrica. A new potentiating anti-inflamatory drug for the Fentayl. Then they started the Fentayl. Everything seemed to be going fine until about 8pm, when they were doing his wound care. (Which, by-the-way has closed and he has beautiful new skin. An indication that his immune system must be working.) All of a sudden he was unable to get his air, not just shortness of breath, rather difficultly breathing and his oxygen level fell below normal level and the O2 did not relieve it, and he became very distressed. His blood pressure went up to 190/92. They began asking if he was on blood pressure medication. NOT!. I looked up Fentayl. Important side effect...difficulty breathing.... The nurse waited 30 min rechecked his blood pressure. Still high. So she called the doctor on call. The hero has told her he does not want to continue with the Fentayl. The doctor came in and said well it could be the pneumonia that was causing the shortness of breath. The hero and I were surprised. We said, "where did the pneumonia come from?" She said the doctors apparently had not seen the x-ray result and that the radiologist has summarized the report in that it appeared that he had pneumonia behind the cancer growth in the lung. The hero said that was all well and good but the onset of the breathing was so sudden that it was not likely to be from pneumonia as that would have been building slow growing shortness of breath. He felt it was the medication. She said okay that she was going to order the morphine restarted stop the other and proceed to treat him for pneumonia. He now has an O2 mask on; they have started breathing treatments. He has calmed down, but he has dark circles under his eyes and is tired. They have also started 2 new antibiotics. I sit here working on the blog keeping and eye on him. God is good. I am so thankful for such a wonderful hero and it wrenches my heart to see him suffer. He was musing that he had gone through the gangrene and yet the Lord had spared him...for what to go through this excruciating pain? I reminded him that he still has a work to do.

He is working hard to overcome. Prayers are our support under our dragging arms.

Will update as things break through. : )

Confusion

2008-11-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

This is my own paintart picture I entitled "Confusion"

Well,
Monday was an up and down day. The hero was first told, that they were changing his pain medication to hydromorphone....Dalaudid. We were not familiar with the name hydromorphone, so we didn't realize it was dalaudid until the nurse came in to change the drip. Even under the influence of the heavy morphine, a flag went up and he wouldn't let them give it to him until I got back from moving the car. ( I stupidly had put his phone in my purse...duh) The Spirit works! Dalaudid makes him totaly zoned out to where he gets depressed and can't even remember what day it is etc.
Next the nurse relayed that they were going to do a pelvic bloc at 1 pm. We had been told they would come by and discuss it with us. 30 min later they came back and said no we will do it tomorrow. 2 hours later the internal systems doctor came by and said..."They will not do the nerve bloc because the cancer is too near to the area they need to work in." That was a blow to the hero because he had not been told that there would be a time limit on obtaining the bloc. 30min after that, the Hero had a 101 fever. Now they have done all sorts of cultures. We thought that may be it was the constipation from the high doses of morphine. A doctor at UTMB had figured that out last Jan when they couldn't find a reason for his 102 temps. Whatever, he has felt like there was an infection going on so maybe...it could be your prayers for his welfare. The surgeons said they would not do surgery on him. The Internal Medicine team said they were just interested in his chronic pain control. If anyone will do anything, it will have to be the oncologist. That would be the doctor that he had at intake. They upped his dose of morphine again, so he is not really alert and drifts off. He can wake up to eat. etc. Tomorrow will be another day.
Stay tuned to the latest saga in the life of "The Hero"
Love ya all
MOMe

Happy Birthdays

2008-10-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

How could I have forgotten!!!!

My son in law just had his birthday on Wednesday. We will have cake this weekend when they come up. (can't find a picture will do later)

My second daughter had her birthday today. She will not have cake as she is fighting a systemic yeast infection...so her sweet husband said..."where shall we go shopping."

If my reminders are not working....I do forget where I am as well as what is going on.

Love them all!!!!!

The Journey to MD Anderson clinics

2008-10-30T19:53:00.001-07:00

The journey to get to the clinic was like a hike to a cabin in the woods.

We maneuvered our way through the maize of the traffic and turns from downtown Houston to Holcombe Blvd next to M D Anderson Hospital. There, they told us to use the valet parking. We parked....went in, there they routed us to the skywalk (remember the hero can barely stand for long now let alone walk long distances.). That was up two floors. At the skywalk, they did have a golf cart (club cart) that the hero was able to lean on to ride over to the Mozy Bldg. I walked, as there wasn't anymore room, to take his walker over. WALKED...the equivalent of 4 blocks!. The building was 4 blocks away! I found out we could have parked next to the building. Ask me if my sore ankle was tired. We arrived with the blessing of an MD Anderson employee who pushed the hero up in a wheelchair from the skywalk to elevators U to go to the 8th floor to his appointed clinic (remember I still had to push his walker). Surprisingly, we made it and we were only 5 min. late. I really was surprised. We filled out his papers. This was at 11:15am. Then proceeded to picnic...I had brought his lunch...he ate well...no nausea this time. We found a puzzle they had on a coffee table and settled the hero down on the couch and I focused on figuring out the puzzle. Finally at 2:00 pm, the hero said, "can you see what is happening". So much for thinking they would be on top of things. I went to the desk, and asked. She looked surprised...and said who is the patient? I told her...she was like "oh darn...we goofed" all over her face. She said let me talk with the in taker. We were in in 10 minutes. From that time on, it went well. He was given a patient number. I have to send back more papers, like proof of citizenship, residency in the US etc... The doctor was a full doctor not a resident with faculty. He was very astute, asked questions, took notes, paid attention, and really very nice. I have a habit of calling these young doctors "the little doctor" even if they are 6 ft tall. He caught the references and laughed and said he knows what he will be called now.

The plan at present is to reevaluate what all has happened since the last treatments. That means new labs, c-scan, obtaining records, etc., once those are in hand, then he will decide which direction to go. It will take a little while, but that will let the hero's wound to finish healing. We are 3/4ths there now. Some chemotherapy treatments are not an option any longer since he developed gangrene before. No matter, the hero is encouraged that someone is listening to his needs, and that is probably worth more than treatments right now. He had lost down to 155lbs. (a 10lb drop) since the gangrene infection.

The picture I used is from classroom clip art. I have hiked to cabins up in the mountains just like that, when I was younger, of course. Love the feeling of hmmmm not aloneness, but calmness, and peacefulness that comes from separation from crowds.

The next step in our journey has begun. Pray for us. We pray for all.

Unexpected Blessings

2008-10-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

The sun always comes out after the storms.

This last week has been a long hard one. After hurricane Ike, we discovered that we were monetarily short. I looked at the pantry and said well, we will just have to live on food storage for a week or two. Faces from the peanut gallery. Not to take away blessings from some wonderful people (so I won't mention their names), I want to say we were blessed by a sister from the ward who came over to "get a hug" and bring by a pot roast and cookies. We did recognize the blessing. The pot roast fed us for at least 4 meals and some of the meat served to furnish barbecue meat for my son's lunches. We just ate the last of the potatoes with our lunch after church today. Another sister came by with meat and soup left over from her job which is at a catering company, and another sister brought by deer sausage...none knew of the situation of these next few weeks so it was really testimony building of how our Heavenly Father watches over us in our need. We are taken care of until this minor financial challenge is over.

The hero has been overwhelmed with the kindness of others. He has been having huge amounts of pain and our biggest challenge right now is keeping nourishment in his body. He has lost more weight. We will be going to MD Anderson Cancer Hospital for evaluation since John Sealy UTMB is still closed. That will be on Wednesday. I will update after that.

I had told you I would write about my son's motorcycle...have to take pictures...He is not cooperating.

clip art is from a teachers clip art web site...

Get Above the Circumstances

2008-10-16T14:56:00.000-07:00

[Having wonderful smelling herbs around are so uplifting.
I love rosemary. I have it just outside the door. It is nice to run your fingers through the limbs and what a lively fragrance. Pineapple sage is both sweet and pungent. The flowers attract the hummingbirds. Oh, I forgot to tell you we put up our feeder and had hours of fun watching the many hummers work together and fight for the the nectar. The hero said they are hard workers but can be mean too! ; ) ]
Here it is Oct. 16, 2008 almost a month since my last post. As I was glancing over the previous post, I believe I neglected to let you know that at the end of July, the radiation oncologist looked at the hero's ct scan again and discovered that the results had been read backward. That instead of going backwards he had been improving in every area. Sigh. The truth is we have been trying to get back to treatment since then. The radiation Dr immediately contacted oncology (chemotherapy) and told them to get him back in the program. Well, 4 weeks later an appointment was made...the hero was in the hospital, so ... they reappointed him to come in on Sep. 13th. Hurricane Ike was a factor and all appointments were canceled. Here it is a month later and we are now trying to find the serving clinic since Galveston hospital of UTMB John Sealy is still trying to dry out and mold clean up and remodel after the water damage done.

We keep getting teaser calls saying that things are being worked on then silence for a week until we call again, only to find that things are still in confusion.

I have suffered from stress which created an acid condition in my body that caused joint pain and muscle spasms. Our daughter and her wonderful husband have blessed us since my walking and the hero's right now are compromised. They are wonderful. With the loving care of a great friend that knows herbs my condition has begun to reverse itself. The arms are almost a okay and the knees are now walkable.

The gangrene wound is healing very well. I am excited at that progress. But he has been having extreme pain in his buttocks, so that is worrisome. One doctor suggested some of the problem might be over congestion of the lymph nodes trying to clean out the dead gunk. Most likely...so I have turned to alternative medicine once again to try to open and move the lymph system and help the liver which will be overloaded. So much...you would think that some of this would be addressed by the medical system unstead of just more medicine to help pain. I am venting sorry.

Our goal has been to focus on smiling and being uplifting to others. Usually we succeed, but sometimes the hero has his head down under the circumstances and we have to pull it up so he can see the angels around him. God has blessed us greatly. It is nice to know we are able to make decisions for ourselves and that there are helping hands at every turn.

I will post next about my youngest son and our experience in his getting his motorcycle license.

Life is good.

Tisk, Tisk and Shame on me!

2008-09-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

I never wrote in June about the hero and his venture of creating Fig Jam.

One evening he came in and exclaimed "the fig trees (we have three) are just loaded with figs!" He then commenced to have me plan out what he need to make fig jam, enough for us and the kids. I was still dealing with an ankle that kept me off my feet, so...we would come home from work, he would snatch up a small grocery bag and off he would go to the trees. About and hour later, he would come in with the bags brimming, and grinning from ear to ear. He was excited. It was fun cleaning the figs for him which I could do and squishing them, then showing him the amounts of other ingredients he needed. He would do one or two batches a night. [He lost about 2 bags of figs he had frozen to the hurricane.] Below he is stirring his brew over the stove and below that is his finished product. He canned about 36 jars of fig preserves. Most were strawberry flavored but he experimented with other jello flavors too. We will have to wait for the kids to tell you if they are good or not, I am prejudiced...they were wonderful and I so loved watching him work. What a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and being provident.

Oh MY, Hurricane Ike went through like a Hurricane ; )

2008-09-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

We had gone to the surgical clinic on Wednesday before Ike. Because of the storm brewing, we were sent home with some catheter kits and orders to change the dressings to normal saline and do it twice a day. The orders were if he still can't void on his own, when your kits are used up, go the emergency room.
We stayed home to sit out the hurricane. We are 125 miles inland from Galveston and were on the west side of the storm. Our son and daughter and her husband battened down the hatches and we all worked together to make it being locked up in the house for the deluge. Watching the long oak limbs swing widely left one wondering if they would stay attached to the trees. There were some 75 - 100 mph gusts but no sustained winds of that caliber...thank goodness! The neighbors lost a tree across the road, and the same on the way into town. The day after the storm, my son drove in and assisted others in cleaning up the roads and investigated the damage in town. It became evident that we fared well in just loosing a greenhouse and some misc. limbs and electricity ( which meant the well wouldn't work). [I will add pictures when we finally get home. I left the camera there.] We waited 4 days and then gave up to go on into the hero's twin brother to stay, so the hero could have water and bathe. They were lovely host and hostess. What blessings they have earned, in all the service they offered my hero and myself.
After I ran out of catheter kits, we ended up in the ER at a hospital near his brother's home. They have been lovely personnel in this hospital. I hope we can pay some. They put him on antibiotics again, catheterized him, and restarted his wound care like we do at home. The only problem is the confusion around his pain medication routine. Confuses me why it is so hard for them to grasp continuity.

Things They Don't Prepare You For.

2008-08-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

Since I updated last, we have had so much happen. My hero was beginning to have great pain in his groin area and fevers. We went on a trip to have a scan done to tell us the locations of the cancer and if it was still active. When we got there, we discovered the cancer part of the scan had been banned by the FDA saying they were pinpointing the cancer cells too soon? Anyway, the gist of his modified scan said that there were toxins in his body that needed to be expelled. We thought well after the chemo that was probably true. The day after we got back, I worked and the hero stayed home and slept. On Sunday, I went to church because he could not wakup to get ready to go. His temperature was 100. When I got back home, I checked him again and it was 102. Our home teacher came by to administer sacrament to him and found him not in his right mind. He was confused. I gave him Tylenol and the temp came down to 99. He decided not to go to the ER, but to go to work instead. It took him until 11 am to his bookkeeper in some challenges she had. That night he told me that his buttocks were hurting. This was not a new declaration( I thought)...Paradigms can get one into trouble. On Tuesday, we went back to work. He became very feverish. I gave his Tylenol and the fever went down to 99.9. We were trying to decide if it was from the trip. This evening he said "look at my buttocks and tell me if they are swollen"...I did and yes the right buttock was twice the size of the other, red and feverish. I said we will go to the ER in the morning. When he got up, the swelling had moved all over his lower parts and was fire engine red. We headed straight to the ER. When we arrived, his temperature was 103.6. They ushered him right in. One look at the area and the seasoned ER surgeon said major infection probably that came from cancer tissue dying and building into an abscess. Two hours later he was in surgery. I waited for the simple procedure to end... only to see that in 40 min he was in recovery...I waited for a doctor...none came...looked up again to see ICU...this was not the plan the doctor had described in the ER. I met the nurses transferring him at the door. They were upset that I had not talked to a doctor yet. He was experiencing high blood pressure and tachycardia so they planned to keep him in surgical ICU over night to make sure he stayed stable. I went home with Emily and spent the night there, after visiting with a very woozy hero. The next day he was moved to a surgical recovery floor. ( The nurses and aides have been really wonderful and sweet people.) Friday morning, the surgeons decided that more debrieding of necrotic tissue was needed. Saturday for the first time I got to see the length and width and depth of the wound was...Oh geez, that was painful just to look at. My heart goes out to him as he endures the dressing changes. We have now been in here over a week, and today, Saturday, they told him they are sending him home on Sunday....Oh my I have to do the dressing changes, watching the indwelling catheter, meds, and oh my. It helps being a nurse, but looking into that wound is scary. Today will be transition to going home. Our son and daughter and their families are coming up today...will have to send them home with some money to assist in preparing the room for a sterile set up.
Sigh...Prayers are my source of comfort in this.

And Here is the Lady of the Hour!

2008-07-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

My hero and I had the priviledge of attending a ceremony of his mother being given the "Resident of the Month" award at her assisted living home. If you watched her loving on the staff and her fellow residents you would understand just how much she deserved the award. She is beautiful!

The ONLY good Deer is venison in the Freezer!

2008-07-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

Sure I have worked with countless customers to rescue their yards from deer. I have assisted and put my arms around distraught customers who had lost all their new plants. I have never had a deer on my 7 acres. BUT I have always had a dog. We lost our last blue heeler in the spring and did not replace it because we were gone so much to the hospital. NOW the deer have discovered, we do not have a big dog and guess what!
The hero came in saying our cucumbers were being eaten by bugs and looked like the sprinkler was not reaching it. I thought, "my ankle hurts and is swollen, I am tired, I will wait until the morning to go look..." He persisted. When I got out to the garage, he had gotten out the golf cart so I wouldn't have to walk with the crutches as far.
Upon my arrival, my first thought was "did the adolescent son play too close with his sword and whack my cucumbers?...." Then as I traversed the center of the raised beds, I detected the odor of hoofed animals. Since we frequently have horses loose in the area, my first thought was the neighbor's horses got loose again. Then I got to the lemon cucumbers and pole beans...whacked off too and little hoof prints up in the raised bed....DEER!@!
My thoughts are not of sweet Bambi...(maybe in a zoo or on the top of a mountain), but of venison in the freezer. From my experience, I already know the dream of wonderful fresh vegetables I had planned for my hero are waning quickly. I want a BIG dog!!!!

Moving Ahead

2008-06-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

A bougainvillea plant grows its branches terminating into a ball of beautiful color. The flowers are commonly called "Paper Flowers". The blossoms last for a long time.
This reminds me of our life right now. The only way to get a bougainvillea to bloom is to stress it out. You minimize the watering, fertilizing, and give it lots of sunshine.
The hero has decided to stop Chemotherapy. The doctors decided that the medications being used were not effective so they chose to stop those and start a new kind. The literature on the drugs revealed they are experimental from Canada, and if you don't have a horrible rash especially on the face that the drug is not working. The longest the extension of life it offers is 7 months. The hero decided that he didn't want to spend the last months of his life, if that is the Lord's choice, in misery and pain. So we are putting our hands in the Lord's hand and letting him guide us. We had a friend that the doctor's told her she would only live 6 months if she didn't do a specific therapy. She chose against it and over 6 years later she was still going. Only the Lord knows our time.

Oh My! We Can Learn New Everyday.

2008-06-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

I knew that we could learn new everyday, but I thought I had figured out my blog. Lo and Behold you can click on the pictures and make them bigger. Well, third daughter, you can click on the garden pictures and it will take you home for a minute.

Kids, look at that Fig Tree behind dad ...wow it is huge this year and full of figs. The tomatoes are full of blooms...We hope to get some shade cloth up to facilitate the plants to keep producing even when we hit hot July.

Those of you in apartments or small backyards or the desire to not weed. This is a stackable vertical garden I have at the entrance to my store. There are other pictures on the store website. Idaho...California you need this.

Love

the Hummer better known as MOMe

Father's Day was great!

2008-06-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

The hero had an awesome day. We made it to church in a timely manner....which is in itself a wonder.... He received a phone call from each of his six children, AND he got to talk to all of his grandchildren. Our son and his wife sent him a funny card as well as calling and singing Happy Father's Day to the tune of Happy Birthday. He enjoyed that and the giggle it gave him. The Idahoian family called and each on of the eight talked with him (One is in California helping her aunt). Then the Californian family called and he got to talk to all 3 plus 1 of them. The fourth daughter called and let him talk with her two children. The boy at home waited up for us so he could visit after we got home. We went out to eat with little miss sunshine and her family. It was all good. We are grateful to our Heavenly Father for the many blessing we have at His hand.

Later, we picked up the hero's mom and took her to visit her husband's grave. She had not been there for a while and his birthday had been a week before. She was glad to have made it. We then met with little miss sunshine, along with her hubby and J.T. Great-mother wanted to go to Appleby's Restaurant, so there we went. It was a wonderful time, spent with great love and laughter. The ride home didn't make him so tired, since he was floating on a cloud of happiness.

Just a Simple Update

2008-06-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

These are the times that make great memories, Bryan helping, pausing for a smile.

I know that I have not posted in some time. One of the challenges in this business of fighting cancer is finding time to do anything besides being focused on overcoming the illness.

Not long after my last post, I twisted my ankle in a hole at work. It was just a silly sprain. I felt I was being careful with it, but every time I would walk to the back of the property or walk over the rocks at work, I would twist it again. After 3 weeks, it began to swell up 3 times its size and became exceeding hard for me to walk. Ned finally insisted on me using a crutch. That helped, but the knee of my other leg was weak, and soon began to protest, if I put too much weight (my plague right now) on it. A wonderful friend loaned me a stabilizing boot, which has helped support and minimize the swelling. The doctor said it will take a while to heal.

There is a hero story here. I have been blessed by my hero in many ways. He can't sit, so he has taken over the dishes because my foot swells after standing very long. He goes into the stores while I wait, unless he finds a riding cart, then he comes and gets me to go with him. He waters the garden and watches over the plants to try and keep me from walking on uneven ground. My cutie grandson loves to go out to help him if he is at home. The hero is just a chivalrous kind of guy. He holds my hand to steady me...now that is a picture...Him with a cane holding my hand to help me not stumble....funny...we usually have a good laugh at ourselves when we are out shopping or going to the doctors. Our most fun is to challenge each other to a foot race.

The Spice in My Life

2008-05-11T07:46:00.001-07:00

Just as each of the herbs on my herb table has its own wonderful characteristic, so it is the same with each of my six children and those who have become close enough to be counted among my children. The enjoyable thing about herbs and spices is that when you mix them the flavor is greatly enhanced.

As you can tell, I love all my children and the joy they have brought into my life has been immeasurable. I am greatful for the blessing of being a mother and being in partnership with my husband and Heavenly Father to raise them to the point of right choices on their own. There may be a better way to say it, but maybe later. Happy Mother's Day!

Its All Good

2008-05-07T21:05:00.001-07:00

Spring has brought many new experiences and some old ones too.

As is always the case, at the end of a semester, grades are posted. WELL...I have managed to hold my B average for my Master's. My hero was excited because he had spent hours drilling me on my botanical names of my plant Id exams. He is so special.

He started his 5th Chemotherapy session today. So far so good. We came back to the hotel very tired, because it took from 7:30am to 3:30pm. (Forgot, since we are 3 hours from home, they let us stay in a hotel for the three days of treatment for a large reduction). Tomorrow, we will go walking outside to give him some natural Vit D. His weight has held it's own, no losses for now. When we get home we will update the blog.

High Five and Yeah!

2008-05-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

The new doctor brought in the lab values for the cancer marker today and showed us how they had followed normal fluctuations the went down. The reading the day we put off chemo for two weeks was 58. Down from 110 which, as was predicted from experience of the doctors, had risen to 258 then went back to 110 now to 58. We feel good. Of course normal is <2.5, so we have a ways to go, but we are excited that it is going down.
We were saddened by the fact the faculty doctor we had is moving away to another hospital. She was awesome. As a matter of fact, we will have totally new staff beginning in June. The Lord has something in mind.
I am extremely excited about my garden...I did tell you that we put in 2 4X40ft raised beds didn't I? Actually it was not us but a very special friend from church who brought over three of his workers and built and filled the beds. This weekend we put in med size tomatoes, pear tomatoes, salsa tomatoes, eggplants, squash (1), and cucumbers (2). I planted some lettuce and carrots. Then we put in 18 bell pepper plants 6 bunches of onions (bunching onions) and one Sweet Basil and one Pesto Basil plant. Next week, we plan to put in some more squash and cucumbers as well as putting in some cantaloupe and watermelon seeds. All of the plants/seeds are heirloom seeds. We plan on saving some of the seeds this year for next year. Will post pictures next time.

Back Home Again

2008-04-29T19:49:00.001-07:00

Living in the country has its blessings. After being in the city and supressed by the hospital for 5 days, just being among the trees and wildflowers brings a feeling of peace. My poor hero, as he was dressing to leave today said, "I don't know what it is, everytime I leave this hospital I feel like I am breaking out of prison." Now, it is not because of the care or food or medical care, but it is because of lack of nature and ability to get outside and enjoy the sun and air.
Our stay entailed receiving 2 units of blood and a large amount of IV iron. There was a brief moment in time that he actually got to sit flat on his bottom and eat his dinner. This was about 8 hours after he had the large amount of bleeding. He didn't have any pain, which was so wonderful after 1 year of intense pain. Unfortunately, it did not last. The ride home was painful.
He was ready to lie down and rest when we arrived.
I have enjoyed sitting here and visiting with my son who just finished running 6 miles in an hour for his Duty to God Award. He will be 19 in 5 days. Next will be spiritual preparation. There has not been enough time to relax and listen lately.
The Hero will be (oops) have his birthday in 2 days. Hmmm. What kind of celebration will I have. At the end of the month, our oldest son will come home with his wife and we will all go to Indiana Jones Movie.

One Step Forward Two Steps Back

2008-04-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

We were so excited about the decrease in the cancer markers, that we forgot what the side effects might be. At 4:30am, I was awakened by Ned saying "I'm bleeding!" He had gotten up to go to the bathroom when the blood started. We hoped it would stop but after 2 hours we decided that we had better go to the emergency room. It was almost like the couple going in to have their baby. We made two trips back to the house (4 miles each) to get id's, POA, etc.
We got to the ER and he was whisked right in...a real change. After 7 hours in the ER, the decision was made to admit him. He hates hospitals, especially when they withhold food and he loses another 10 lbs to have to regain later.
The floor nurse just told us he will just be watched to see if the bleeding will stop by itself. And yes, his food would be held at least tonight. Sigh...he is just sleeping.
The good news is that after the bleeding had reduced to a trickle, he has had less pain, and he has been able to lie on his back which is a wonder...He has not been able to do this since last July.
So....we are sitting here in the hospital, trying to not think about food with the TV ads assulting us and being cheerful to entertain the staff. The positive is the doctor said that the bleeding is probably from the tumor shrinking and leaving blood vessels open. Usually it does resolved itself. Tumor shrinking, dying, going away those all have a wonderful sound. But of course nothing is without a price.
The room this time is wonderful. The window is where he can see out of it. The sun slips in to kiss his face. That is more cheerful than any other room he has ever had. His nurses are sweet and have listened to the history and are working hard to keep his care consistent.
I am glad if we had to come in, that he has been blessed with such good care and attention.
More later...

Unexpected Events and Great News!

2008-04-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

Red HOT News!

When they did the blood test on the hero yesterday, it showed that the cancer markers were down to 110. She did not tell us down from what or that 35 is the top of the normal range. However the fact that it is DOWN is fabulous!

The unexpected event was that he had had an episode of nausea and sweats and weakness on the Saturday before, while I was at work. The doctor decided that maybe it was due to one of the drugs so she has delayed the chemo for 3 weeks until he is evaluated by a cardiologist to make sure no challenges have occured due to the chemo.

Now the other event was, as I was sitting at the counter contemplating what adjunct therapy to keep up while we waited, a thought came to my mind that that morning I had given him his full dose of Cellfood instead of breaking it up to two separate doses. That is only 8 drops in 8oz liquid. Usually I do 4 drops twice a day. Cellfood is a nutritive substance developed by Everett Storey to restore the environment and heal the human body. I had started this when I read Dr. Otto Warburg lectures that say cancer cells cannot grow in a high oxygen environment. Knowing that cancer is first a fungus and that fungi are anaerobic (without oxygen), I figured this was a good adjunct treatment for really making the environment unfriendly to the fungi. This is becoming a lecture...sigh...To make the story shorter...I believe he was experiencing Herxheimers Reaction. We have had this before when doing home treatments. Well, we are now taking stock of what we are doing in addition to the chemo and making sure we don't stop while they are "waiting".

One thing I have not shared, is that I have found great studies that point to Fermented Soy as being a help to stop the "wasting disease". It has to be fermented to deliver the greatest amounts of soy isoflavones to assist the cells in using protein to prevent muscle mass reduction.

When we first heard of this, I found a remarkable product called Haelan 981. It is concentrated and research has been done on it specifically. However, it is out of our and many others reach financially. It is $60 a bottle and you take one bottle a day per 50 days then reduce to 4 oz a day. Temph and Miso are okay but not concentrated enough. I did find a Soy yogurt by Stonyfield Farms. It is an excellent substitute since it also has blend of six live active cultures, including the bifous strain. I mix the soy yogurt with Herba-tein to make him a smootie for quick energy in the mornings.

When I was studing plant diseases, the description of fungal development so sounds like the formation of cancer. Mycelium is the vegetative part of a fungus, consisting of a mass of branching, thread-like hyphae. The mass of hyphae is sometimes called shiro, especially within the fairy ring fungi. Fungal colonies composed of mycelia are found in soil and on or in many other substrates. Mycelium may form fruiting bodies such as mushrooms. A mycelium may be minute, forming a colony that is too small to see, or it may be extensive: It is through the mycelium that a fungus absorbs nutrients from its environment. It does this in a two stage process. Firstly, the hyphae secrete enzymes onto the food source, which breaks down polymers into monomers. These monomers are then absorbed into the mycelium by facilitated diffusion and active transport.

You can see that the fungi' intent is to absorb you. There is no such thing as a friendly fungus in the human body.

This is a visual of the mycelium. http://www.fungusfocus.com/

With the Lord's help, we will prevail and maybe teach the medical community some new principles. I hope.

My Best Method Of Relaxing

2008-04-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

Before the nursery was moved, I would walk out on the patio and sit and look out over the plants. There I would sit, listening to the birds, watching the butterflies, and feeling the breezes move through my hair. Plants give one a feeling of partnership with Heavenly Father. They are a real learning ground for "if you don't nurture it, it will die". Tonight, when we got home from chemotherapy, I went out to the greenhouse to check on the status of my plants after a week of being away. Walking through the pasture, listening to the birds, and rustling of the leaves was very peaceful. It was not hard to pick up the hose and begin watering the thirsty plants. I spent 2 hours watering and picking up blown over shrubs, and smelling the spring blooms. There is much work to be done, but I can feel a sense of relaxation falling over me and peacefulness as I labor to nourish my plants. My hero came down to help, but his back is not strong enough now to enable him to assist. I think for him it is more of a feeling of frustration right now because he can't participate much. My hope is to get him out more in the sunshine. Vitamin D is helpful in the body's immune system. Not to mention there is fun to be had, as well as relaxation while watching the breezes move through the trees as well as the squirrels playing tag. (As long as they stay away from my fruit trees...then they are varmints.) My thoughts flit about a freely as the birds in the tree tops.

It is hard to express my feelings in words how I feel a oneness with my Heavenly Father, when I am out and working with my plants in whatever way they are in need, watering, trimming, fertilizing, or positioning.

My grandchildren have inherited the fun of enjoying the out of doors too. Whether it is blue bonnets in the spring, snowy mountain tops, or going to the petting zoo, they love being outside.

One of the fun times I had with my Idaho maniacs was going cuttings in their bedroom (It was February.). When I left, I left some plants behind....don't know what happened to them??...! Oh! but what fun, (but a mess) it was doing it with them.

I miss them going walking, or gardening with me. Wish they could come and spend a month with me....Oh Yeah!

Chemo Goes ON and So Do WE

2008-04-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

I have promised the sisters in our ward that I would share a picture of my hero using the blanket they so lovingly made for him. The pain doctor gave him a magnetic blanket to help with loss of heat which he uses at home, but at chemotherapy it is always this blanket of love and caring that he uses. Our hearts are filled with gratitude for such sweet charity given to us. They provide cushy recliners and television to help fill the six hours we have to sit while the chemo drugs are infused. Last time, two week ago, they added Avastin to the group of drugs infused. These seem to be having a positive affect although the pain did not decrease.
A week ago, we went to the pain doctor who has started acupuncture therapy. She is an awesome person. We were just discussing the positive affect the treatment has had on him. Two days later and frequently since, we have observed him having a belly laugh or two and his energy level has been up. He is still having a hard time facing the man in the mirror because he perceives that he has aged years in appearance. I tell him, NO, he's actually getting younger...which caused another belly laugh when his voice cracked later in conversation.

This is the hero's high five. He wears warm gloves to prevent
shocking himself during the treatment and for four days afterward. He can not eat or touch anything cold and must stay warm during that time. He lives for when the time is up and he can have an ice cream brown cow. Some people look at him a little strange when we are walking into the store, the temperature is 75 to 80 degrees, full sun and he has on his gloves, and jacket. He can't handle the cold around the cold keepers.

Last week he had the fun of having our second oldest with her new baby come work a half day. He was impressed how quiet the baby was and how pleasant he was when playing. How do you like the way he winks to flirt and say "you want to pick me up"...Too cute.

We finally got the pictures of my fourth daughter's son's second birthday. The two shared the wonderful chocolate cake and the joy of being together. It is so fun to be in our room in the evening and hear the pitter patter of little feet running through the house and a knock knock on our door with sweet voice calling out our names. This little boy is a special critter that bringing a swelling of the heart and a big smile when he reaches up those little arms to his grandadE.

God is good.

Next is the result of a couple of hours of fun on the Internet by the hero with his two granddaughters. They are in order of age. First is Venus's and the second is Iris's.

Iris gathering apples in a basket for her granddadE and grandmomE. How thoughtful.

Venus and GranddadE sailing in the ocean. He asked for a picture of a tall ship on the ocean. She obliged. What good would a ship be without passengers. And what fun would a trip be alone?

These drawing were done on a doodle pad while they talked on yahoo im with the hero.

This is a motivating factor to the hero to continue the fight to overcome. He loves his children, and his grandchildren.

We are still praying for a few miracles and blessings to occur. I know it will happen.

The Chemotherapy has begun

2008-03-12T18:01:00.000-07:00

This group is the goal. The hero has so missed all these sweet faces including red beard's. The hope is he will get the strength he needs to be able to travel the 1000 plus miles to see them.

I can see that life as we knew it, is on course for change. As the chemo drugs began to infuse into the hero's veins, his face began to flush, his nose turned bright red and cold. One of the main drugs is in the class of mustard drugs classified as biochemical warfare threats. Thank goodness for the blessings of the Lord. If it weren't for faith, there just wouldn't be any vision of a horizon.

The sisters at the ward were so kind as to make him a blanket to cheer and warm him. On this scary day, he was encompassed by that lovingly done blanket. I will post a picture of him with it after I down load it to the computer. I think the hardest thing to fight is the medications. He has great amounts of pain, because the tumor is pressing on his coccyx. Sitting is out. Lying down is side only. Standing is tiring and painful. As a result the doctors keep pushing to take larger amounts of Morphine. It seems that the goal is just to numb the whole patient....then he is happy. NOT. The larger amounts of Morphine causes depression, then they want to give you antidepressants. The answer is always another drug. The pain management physician (she is an angel) has said that she will be board certified for acupuncture in the coming week. That is the hero's goal: to switch from Morphine to acupuncture. She also gave him a special blanket that reflects back your own body heat to help him through the cold challenges of the chemo. It is hard hearing him have obvious nightmares when he dozes off. I just want to hold him closely and make it go away, but of course that is not possible. I do hold him close and whisper sweet nothings in his ear to help him know he is special each morning. It is hard for him to handle my exuberance in the mornings. It has become harder to make him smile. I know he tries, but he has said that he feels so numb from the morphine. The difficultly of focusing in on reading scriptures, praying and reaching out to the Lord really bothers him. I hope he reaches his goal so he can fight better. They wonder why the treatments don't work...well, the patient can't focus well enough to fight for wellness.

I must stop for now. Thanks for listening.

An Eagle done

2008-02-24T18:14:00.000-08:00

This was the Eagle Project.

The project was done last April, but due to his father's health condition, the ceremony was postponed. The project was done for a neglected park in the small city we live in. His brother, father, and fellow scouts came out to help him accomplish this goal. He made picnic tables to increase their options for picnics.

The Scout Master explaining the meaning of being an Eagle Scout.

After the ceremony,fun, and food, we took time to pose together.

Below was the fun, a friend who has a TRex Car had given the dad a ride and it was arranged for a fun trip around town for the new Eagle.

The dad approving the mode of transportation.... yeah right he was having a ball himself.

We are proud of our new Eagle and hope he continues forward.

A Future Sweetheart

2008-02-14T19:15:00.000-08:00

The granddadE is glad to have his chance at holding a real valentine's day gift. A new granddaughter that is a sweetie.

Of course, the grandmomE had to have her moment. I can't wait til she can follow us around.

Her birth was a wonder. Her mom slept through the majority of the labor and the doctor arrived in time to catch her, no one knew she was crowning because her mom was asleep, and the nurse was at lunch. When she returned she checked and called for the doctor. It was special watching her emerge into life. The aunts said that was just not right.

Home and Organization

2008-02-11T13:19:00.000-08:00

We are at home for a couple of weeks trying to sort out all our mess that was left for us. A basket full of mail, a broken dryer, dry plants, and multiple boxes of storage that needed to be cleaned out. It is a wonder at the amount of paper that can be accumulated in a couple of years.
I am glad that I have been given the throw it away and keep it simple spirit to overcome my tendency to be a pack rat.
There is a more than the usual need to put things in order and be kept in order.
Just talked with the Cancer nurse and they are putting the next round of treatments in order.
Will find out tomorrow or Wednesday where we are going.
Being home and playing with my grandson was a real treat....he is a doll. Terrible twos and all that aside we have fun with GranddadE giving wagon rides....(kills two birds with one stone, the hero gets sunshine and the kiddo gets fun outside of the house.) His mom should be having her little girl any day now.
Later

One New Step and the Completion of Another

2008-02-06T20:52:00.001-08:00

Meet my Handsome blue-eyed red headed grandson. He heralded the start of his new life last week after serveral false starts. Because of treatments it was 3 days later that we got to meet him. This was the second grandchild delivery I missed, not a good trend.

In the mean time, we have finished the first radiation treatments, with a big question mark as to if there will be more. Ned is distressed that their only plan had been to reduce the size of the cancer not remove or destroy the offending cancer. It was supposed to help reduce his buttock pain but that has not happened yet, and we are done. Sigh.

We have been approved for have chemotherapy. I say approved because we had to apply for treatment financial aid as the cost of one drug alone is at the $140,000 amount.

He will be receiving AVASTIN®, in combination with intravenous 5-fluorouracil- (this interferes with metabolic machinery in synthesis of nucleic acids) based chemotherapy and Eloxatin (oxaliplatin)[ which first mechanism an alkylating agent attaches alkyl groups to DNA bases. This alteration results in the DNA being fragmented by repair enzymes in their attempts to replace the alkylated bases. Second mechanism by which alkylating agents cause DNA damage is the formation of cross-bridges, bonds between atoms in the DNA. In this process, two bases are linked together by an alkylating agent that has two DNA binding sites. Cross-linking prevents DNA from being separated for synthesis or transcription. The third mechanism of action of alkylating agents causes the mispairing of the nucleotides leading to mutations.

If anyone can explain the alkylated agent in layman terms, I would appreciate it.

I am now really pushing to have the correct alkalizing diet in place since that is the one that has the best effect on colon cancers, and lung cancers.

It was refreshing to visit with the pain management doctor. She knew kenesiology, understood aroma therapy and is certified in accupuncture. I have felt more comfortable with her than anyother doctor. She also did problem solving not just application of a medication for a specfic complaint and also did great teaching using a skeleton and diagrams. Best I have seen so far.

Tomorrow is another two tests, I have to pick up the pickup and trailer to pick up citrus for the spring. I will have to leave my hero alone, but the only place I have to take the test is back at home. The librarians down here have said they don't proctor.

A diller a dollar a 10 o'clock scholar. I must be off to bed.

Nite all

All Things Are Spiritual

2008-01-30T21:14:00.000-08:00

Tonight was uplifting to both my sweetie and me even though right now we can't carry a tune in a tin can. We pulled out the hymnal and sang some of our favorite songs together. Words like I know that my redeemer lives, The Lord is my light, so why should I fear, The Lord is my Shepard, no want shall I know, I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, When faith endures. What comfort those words and music of the hymns offered. We finished singing. My sweetie had me transcribe some emails he had been meaning to send. Then he was ready to relax for the night.

We are facing many challenges, but the blessings of knowing we are not alone is of most comfort. We have made our peace that the future is in the hands of the Lord and we are accepting of whatever lies ahead.

May those who read this be blessed by the spirit of God to feel His love for them too.

Getting to Know You

2008-01-29T20:10:00.000-08:00

That is my feeling on Plant ID. I love plants and I love knowing their uses and characteristics. However, the Scientific names feel like a nemesis for me. Thank goodness 46 years ago I had an excellent Latin teacher or I would be up a creek without a paddle. I am enjoying my Interior Plant class. I am not as imaginative as many of the other students, but I love playing around with arrangements and plantings.

Today we went into meet with the Radiation Doctors. The question of itching that started with surgery and is now a red flat rash at odd areas along the back and shoulders came up. Some of the medications could be the cause and possibly shingles. However, it is not burning pain, rather itching to drive you nuts. We applied aloe vera and a blend of essential oils tonight and the redness had dimmed by bedtime. I will ask the Chemotherapy physician if essential oils can be used on his feet or through diffusion in the room while they treat him starting at the end of February. He will be given IV iron X4 to build up the hemoglobin that has been low before the surgery.

Right now we are having some conflict in that I keep feeling like he is not taking an active role in learning about how to help himself and has all but collapsed. Part of it is the fatigue from the radiation and part from low iron levels. The other part is the medications for pain that dull and depress and keep the patient from being active...they say activity and nutrition is most important then give them drugs that depress appetite, activity, and mental alertness. What is this.

Sigh

Will sign off for tonight.

Oh yes...forgot to note a funny I saw today near the seawall. As everyone knows parking on the beach can end up with some not very nice droppings on the car. Well, today, as I was sitting at a red light, I looked up and saw a cloud of seagulls right over 4 cars. A driver of one of the cars had thrown something out of the car on the ground. Instantly the seagulls arrived, covering the sky above the cars. The other drivers were like....Quick! Light CHANGE!...I just smiled.

Preparation

2008-01-16T07:20:00.000-08:00

January is the time to prepare our soil, it is a time of preparation, so, we turn our thoughts to learning about what we want to achieve. If it is production large enough to produce enough vegetables or fruit for canning, then we will need to figure out what how much we are wanting to have canned. For a family of 4 in our Texas area, we need 10 to 15 ft row for Beets. Beet root is a good vegetable for fighting cancer.
Lettuce, a row of 10 to 15 ft. long. I like the Baby Mescalin, "Cut and Come Again" variety by Renee's Garden Seeds. The mixture of light and dark leaf lettuces give a better source of vitamins in the salad mix and is a plant you can cut and will grow some more. You would first plant half the row, then two weeks later, the other half. Beans need a 15 ft row. of 30 plants once again planting at two week intervals so you don't have to harvest all at once. A great source of b vitamins. Squash, allow a space of 4-6 ft square, plant 2-3 plants of yellow and zucchini at 2 ft intervals. Great for salads when small and casseroles when larger and relish if gets larger. Tomatoes 10-15 plants of Roma for canning sauces and dicing canning as they are firmer. We like to also have about 3 plants of cherry-type tomato the Juliet is easy to grow as well as the Sweet 100. Celebrity Bush is easier to control and makes a good slicing tomato about 4 plants. Studies show that diets rich in tomatoes appear to give lower risk of certain types of cancer, especially cancers of the prostate, lung, and stomach. The thought is that the lycopene which gives the tomatoes their color is the source of help. A row of radishes about 4 ft to add some zest to the salad.
We have moved our citruses to the south side of the house where they can have a micro-climate area that may protect them enough from the occasional 27 degrees we get. Eating the citrus with the albedo and pulp give a measure of cancer fighting help against colon cancer. This is interesting reading. http://carcin.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/reprint/bgi318v1.pdf We decided we wanted organic citrus without the cost.
We are adding a few blackberry and blueberry bushes to our sunny fence area. I discovered a study done by Monica Giusti, an assistant professor of food science at Ohio State University, and her associate researchers which discovered from laboratory experiments on rats and on human colon cancer cells that the chemicals that give color to most red, purple and blue fruits and vegetables appreciably slow the growth of colon cancer cells. Well, we must work on making a change in our diet.
I am at the hospital with my sweetie. He just spent 5 days since surgery on an Auschwitz diet. How could a registered dietitian give red colored jello to a patient they are watching for blood. Give him salty greasy broth and a ton of apple juice. The colostomy will change his dietary habits but I have found a great deal of information on the subject that will allow me some leave way in his incorporating healthy nutrition to prevent the worst side effect of the cancer which is malnutrition and loss of skeletal muscle. Now that the surgery which blind sided him is through, we can work on on our adjunct therapy to prevent the chemo and radiation from doing him in.
I say blind sided because he agreed to the surgery based on the information that they would surgically removed the cancer after the radiation and chemotherapy shrank the cancer. Now they are telling him that that will not happen and have told him they are buying him 2 months to 2 years of life. He is not really happy with their morbid predictions and I feel that it is not conducive to cultivating a fighting spirit in a patient to do that to them. Worst scenarios are not psychologically building to those in pain. My belief is and has been, that only the Lord knows the appointed time and you do all you can to treat your body like a temple and let him do the rest.
I know that the year spent fighting to get our daughter free from her addictions and restoring her son to her took a great toll on his health...now we must continue to overcome and he will be healed if the Lord so wills it.

New Year "looking for improvements where ever I can find them"

2008-01-07T22:48:00.001-08:00

My sweet grandson found the seed catalog and decided it was time to plan for the spring garden.

It is hard to do so when I see my hero appear to be withering away.

I was upset with the health care system, but my posts seem to be being blocked so maybe I need to wait a bit before sharing my thoughts on that.

I am starting my Interior Plant course...it seems to be interesting.

More at a later time.

Excitement, Oh Yeah!

2007-12-19T06:01:00.000-08:00

Three something goods have happened in the last two days.

(My toothy critter expresses joy so well to me)

1. I have a 3.0 average in my classes.

2. My son has a 4.0. I told him that that was just wrong....lol....

3. We have restarted the process to get my sweetie into the medical system. They had dropped his information.

Things are looking good. One thing I have not mentioned is the leaning toward natural eating and fiber and some herbs when people talk about cancer. These are great methods of prevention and building up the immune systems, but are useless in treating the masses once they are there. One has to research the methods that have worked, but are not accepted by the regular medical society, because it was not patentable, or it was not a controlable method, or approved protocol by the drug companies. At present,we are working with Colloidal Silver and Graviola orally with fewer baking soda enemas. Since one of the cancer masses appears to be in the perianal tissue, methods that reach beyond contact were needed. He says that within minutes of taking the solutions that he feels "alligators in his rectum". The most worrisome result is the bleeding and expelling of the cancer parts as the tumors deteriorate. One does not have a way to see the results of the treatments inside at home, and doctors can not assist because the AMA and drug companies would ruin their credibility and take away their practice. Sorry about being so graphic. We have wondered what other people have felt and gone through, so we decided to just share how it is. I was reading about perianal cancer and it appears that most of the cases are in hair glands in that area especially tissue that would be from misplaced tissue that did not migrate to the right place when the embryo was forming. Interesting.

Nearing the end of the semester

2007-12-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

Excitement.

I finished my arboriculture class....Made a B!

Angels were watching out over me.

Now the challenge: I still have the soil class to go.

My sweetie and I are still in a holding pattern doing the kitchen treatments waiting on the medical community for the "come on down".

I was just finished giving him a treatment when I accidently smashed his finger...Ouch! says he, I said well.....I took your mind off the other hurt.... With a painful grin he said ...if you weren't so funny I would have to hurt you....; )

He is my sweetie.

He has been experiencing herxheimer's syndrome with a large die off of cancer cells. We were blessed with a reminder from a wonderful homeschooler's blog that we were forgetting the need for increased water consumption.

Now I must get back to my studies...needed a break.
The Christmas tree is lit up no ornaments just lights. It will have to wait for the tests to be over. It is comforting to have it there just like it is comforting to have knowledge that our Savior was born, and lives, and loves us bunches.

Beauty is all around

2007-11-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

We have been in the hospital for the last three days. My hero began hemorrhaging on Wednesday night and we had to go to the emergency room. They chose to give him blood. His hemoglobin was 9 which was marginal. Three days later and 4 units of blood later they are releasing him to go apply at the State Hospital for conventional cancer treatments. They basically held their hand up and said "Talk to the hand" don't want to hear anything about it, when we tried to explain the treatment we were trying to do.

We are praying about the situtation and are trying to make wise choices. In the mean time, looking out our window, it is peaceful watching the wind rustle through the trees, and the fluffy white clouds saunter past in a beautiful azure sky.

We have enjoyed talking with our children and feeling the love and care emanating from them.

The high light of the hero's day was playing ball at his bedside with his eighteen month old grandson and talking with his out of town grandchildren on the phone. One of his greatest pains is being unable to make the trip to spend time with them.

Grandchildren are a delightful part of life,and makes enduring worth it.

Friends are also a special part of our life. There have been past bishops, home teachers, stake presidency, and huging friends come by. We had a couple come by just to help us by witnessing Medical Attorney Power of Attorney forms. For them to drive 40 minutes to do that for us is really an act of love.

I have to change gears now and take care of matters at hand. I need to really focus on my class work. We nearing the end of the class and all projects are coming due and it is hard to work on projects and provide care in the hospital. The hospitals are short handed and when there is help they are not patient care oriented.

Changes and Fact Finding

2007-10-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today was good. We finally have gone into have the second cat scan for a comparison of how much progress we have done in the cancer treatments. I will say that I feel a measure of holding my breath. He needs the positive feed back to build him back up.

Took my second exam. Sigh. As usual I studied and focused on what I thought would be on it...and missed the professors focus. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

The tool guy has fixed our trailer up and we will begin moving my nursery. I have lost my garden. The new location will be a wholesale lot that will sell plants retail also. I am disappointed, but the owner is the boss and I will give in to his request. The goal now is to increase sales and make it somewhat better.

Have enjoyed visiting with my granddaughter on the phone. She remembers me. Can't wait for the holidays!

Can life be just too much?

2007-10-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

I have been so engulfed with dealing with my hero's absorption of his pain, and trying to find time to do my school work that I have become numb. My poor nursery has become a disaster; because one, I am not there and two, the workers became disheartened when the decision was made by corporate to move it to a new distant site. I am in a dilemma as to how to pull both myself and my nursery through this challenge.

I know it is possible, I just need to stop and breathe, and think. Right now thinking is difficult because the needs are overwhelming.

Sigh.

Showing off the newest addition

2007-09-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

This is our new princess. Of course, the GrandmomE has to be in the picture too. I want her to know I was there when she was born. As you can tell she is full of expressions and animation.

What a joy.

Steps forward and Steps backward

2007-09-09T15:31:00.000-07:00

My daughter had been having abdominal pain since last Thursday. We called the doctors message service, because I could not feel her fundus. No one called back. Since she had left the reason for having called, she did not think to call back when there wasn't a response. Early Friday she felt a bit better and decided it was her over reacting. However, by midnight the pain had increased and on Saturday she was in bed. Her husband had gone to a special session at their church and would not be back until 5pm. She wanted to wait. At 4pm, she began to feel hot and the pain increased. Her temperature was 100.4 F orally. I had her call the doctor again. She called and since her temperature was a raised, they asked her to come into the hospital. Her husband arrived at 6pm to find her packed and ready to go. His parents were here....his mom thinks the baby is "BEAUTIFUL". She is...
They admitted my daughter for postpartum endometrosis. [The doctor said one in 10 of their patients come back with this problem. I think that is a lot and a result of lack of post partum instruction.]
As for the rest of us, well while the couple "languished" in the hospital, the two grandmas' had a blast caring for the granddaughter. The grandpas' doted and shared funny stories. The grandmas' also spent time working on family history.
While we missed them, we did have a fun time together. The other grandma makes wonderful cookies and spaghetti.
Love to all
Oh btw, my hero had excellent treatment results last night. After the treatment, for the next two hours he sloughed off dead tissue and related cancer cells. It is working, but today he is tired and feeling sore from the tissue slough off
HUGZ

Reunited

2007-09-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

How wonderful it was to see my hero walking out of the terminal to meet us at the car. I could tell the week long IV treatments had taken their toll. He looked tired. Of course, only 2 hours of sleep the night before had not helped either. Our daughter does not have a regular bed. She has a queen air mattress. That sounded okay, I knew though since I had to sleep cross wise to keep the sheets on that there would be trouble when there was two of us. Besides being challenging to get up....hold on the the side and pull or dump yourself off..., turning over in the night resulted in the mummy affect. The sheets let go of the side of the mattress and curled themselves around our legs and bodies, now getting up was more complicated. When I went into the kitchen and my hair was like it had been in a light socket, everyone knew the answer to "did you have a good night?' Mostly it was just good to have his presence back beside me.
Things are better today. He had a treatment last night that helped. He also loved holding the new bright star for the future. She is a cutie. We have been giving her subliminal messages when she is a sleep...."When you hear this voice you will smile" " When we call you will want to talk." Hope it is not too obvious that she is special to us. : )

I am enjoying talking with him about my class, the environment around here, and just sitting and watching the hummingbirds. Tomorrow we will help the kids put up a hummingbird feeder. Good thing to do as they are running low on flower nectar right now.

I was listening to my professor lecture today. The pictures of improperly planted trees are so real. When I drive through older neighborhoods in the Houston area, there are many examples of what she said was NOT a good thing to do, ie. plant a large tree too close to the house, sidewalk, septic. We have had many people come in to our nursery looking for answers to their now challenges...a referral to an arborist is usually the best answer. Our new customers are advised of how important it is to consider the height, and width before placing a plant. At least we are on the right page so far.

Only two more days and we will be going back to Texas. It has been a most pleasant break. ; )

California has its pretty spots

2007-09-06T08:57:00.001-07:00

All my life California has been mostly large cities in my mind, because that was all I read about. Between earthquakes and fires, when my daughter said that they were moving to a town about 1 hour from LA, my heart sunk. But here I am. Last night, we went looking for land for their future. I was amazed that 10 minutes out of their town, we were in the mountains and it was beautiful.
The trees and flora are interesting and appear in spite of the dryness to be flourshing. (Must be from spring thaw.) When I got out to walk, the feel of the land was soft from mounds of decaying pine needles. I love the conifers here. [There were shrubs I must look up and perennials that worked great in the dry climate. I can tell I have some homework to do in California flora, if I am to help my daughter landscape when they build.] I could tell that the land has never been worked where we were. However, my son-in-law felt it too far and too primitive for them to achieve a home before their lease ran out, so it was back to looking for them. It was helpful to me to drive around with them looking at the surrounding area. The area is nice and with more flora will continue to be prettier. Definitely, it is not what I expected from all the newspaper and news media information. Interestingly, the people in the mountain area were all fire conscious. They had firebreaks and store a certain amount of water for fire fighting. They appear to be provident in their planning. There is wind energy used for most of the area. I love the wind mills they use for energy. They fascinate me with their size, movement, and utibility. Many though use solar energy for their homes. If it weren't for the earthquakes, I would consider coming here. But for now...a week visit with my sweet granddaughter and her parents will do. Plus, I don't feel so bad about where they live.
More later

Several New Beginnings

2007-09-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

On Monday, August 27, I began my horticulture classes again. The subjects are Urban soils and Arboriculture. Information easily applied to life. My professors are very nice and patient with me. I will finish.

On Friday, I flew to California to be with my 4th child for the birth of her first child. A beautiful (even if I say so myself) little girl. Taking online classes makes it so much easier for me to juggle my life. My hero is lonesome though. He will fly out on Sep. 6th. I have missed him a lot. It will be nice to be reunited after a week. I just don't sleep as well when he is not there.

My first daughter has decided to start writing again. She has a blog that is fanfiction on Alias Smith and Jones. She says she needs the practice.

So far the site looks good.

My second daughter is working hard to hang in at work until her dad comes back from California. She is having her third child. However, it has been 12 years since her last child. She is so excited. Her sons have been working hard to adjust to a new step dad and new schools this year. The boys are liking where they are. The oldest was moved up to advanced band because he does so well.

My son got to have his first do nothing labor day. He laughed and said for the first time, besides when he went on a mission, he did not have to work on the farm with dad on Labor day. He slept in and watched old movies. His wife sent out a help email...Funny bunnies.

Life is not easier nor is it overwhelming. Things are good and are best when done with a smile and some laughter. My hero said he hasn't had a good laugh since I left. How sad...he and those around him should be able to find light hearted jokes or conversation that can be uplifting. I love to laugh and enjoy life to the hilt. I sat on my daughter's patio looking at the mountains and desert in the distance thinking how wonderful it is to be alive and how beautiful our surroundings are. I think that is why I find learning more about horticulture exciting. As I studied about climate, etc., I could see how just a little more attention to the plants around us can do so much for the next generation.

Now don't think I'm going political or environmentalist. I think it is all about stewardship and that involves everyone.

Update on the treatments

2007-08-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

I began saying we were choosing an alternative treatment. I should say that it chose us. We were in the process of trying to be accepted by John Sealy UTMB when all processes of communication with them was stopped by the offices and no appointments were made. I had found from a wonderful herbalist friend of a Doctor in Italy, Dr. Simoncini,who has a very informative website. I started trying to implement his treatments at home but began to have questions. I emailed him when what to my surprise, he emailed me back. What a blessing in our lives. He hadn't any reason to communicate with us...we haven't paid him any money, but he has continued to assist me in making decisions along the way. Two weeks ago we began the treatments of Bicarbonate of Soda IV. At first we were not sure that they were being effective, however, we began noticing that there were definite changes going as the week went on. Although Dr Simincini did have us stop for 2 days when my hero's temperature raised to 100 degrees. The 6 days of IV treatment was followed by 6 days of enemas of warm bicarbonate of soda solution. This treatment is what causes most of his discomfort. We have seen tumor passed and a continued increase of strength so he has only missed two days of work. Not to say he hasn't been stressed. He has lost 35 lbs, most of which he was able to do without! But has started lifting small bar bells to restrengthen his arms.

A Continued Journey

2007-08-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

The family has fussed at me for not posting enough...They are right I have been amiss. There is much that I have not been good at documenting.

This last spring my daughter won a major battle in her effort to stay sober from drugs. ( At present she has been sober for 1 year and 3 weeks.) She got her little son back that had been denied her by an unrighteous in-law. Bryan is a jewel. He can twist you around his little finger with just a glance. Yes, I am a proud grandmother. We love having him with his mother and
being able to spend time with him.

In April, my Wonderful husband, who is so much a real part of me, was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer. Apparently considered stage 3 to 4. We had Cat-scans, biopsey, etc. done.
We do not have insurance. With this consideration, and the knowledge of the sloooowness of the medical paper work system ( I am a retired RN), we decided to seek assistance from our friends who have knowledge of natural treatments.

New Life

2006-03-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

WOW...twins!!!!
My #1 daughter had challenges with her pregnancy and I had to go and stay with her and her family. What fun. There are 3 girls and 2 boys. We have had so much fun. I have never been away from my husband in 35 years for more than 4 days and this has been a whole month and 2 weeks! If it were not for Nextel's and email, I don't know if we would have been able to have made it for the entire time. Technology is great!

On the 19th of February, the twin boys were born. A red head and a blond head. A major adjustment for the 2 year old boys already in the home and the mom and dad. Russ likes to hold both babies at a time and they love it.

The mom had a uterine infection develop 3 days after and scared me to death with 104+degree temperature. We made an emergency run to the doctor's office who ordered IV antibiotic therapy at home. [That was fun doing IV push and IV drip for three days.] The wonderful thing was as we arrived home, her Relief Society members brought by a meal for the family. Since we were so exhausted, that was a real blessing.

This weekend, my husband comes to fetch me home. I look so forward to seeing his loving face.
While I was at my daughter's, I took my first exam and began preparation for my term paper as well as turning my son-in-law's house into a greenhouse full of cuttings.

Life is all good. The Northwest is enjoying rain and snow. The South is enjoying a lovely spring. The best is that, I get to enjoy the best of both.

My #3 daughter has become twitterpated and my #1 son is graduating in May. My #2 daughter's son was dog piled in a physical education class activity and broke his clavicle.
My adopted daughter has lost over 30 lbs and dropped a whole dress size. How cool is that!

[The boy on the right is the one who broke his clavicle. This is a picture of when they visited Idaho. Note the Darth Tater shirts. LOL]

My understanding of life is growing every day. I hope that we will learn the direction that I and my husband are supposed to be moving in as we move into our middle age years. We are praying and seeking guidance so that we can make good decisions and not just act on impulse.
Listening to a living prophet helps more than I can ever explain.

"I believe the meek and the humble are those who are teachable. They are willing to learn. They are willing to listen to the whisperings of the still, small voice for guidance in their lives. They place the wisdom of the Lord above their own wisdom."(Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, January 2001, 2)

The Start of a New Year.

2006-01-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

So much has happened in the last 4 months that I haven't had time to sit and write, but then I still don't really have the time. Just guess I will have to work on making some relaxing time.
To bring my time line up to date.
These are 5 of the joys of my life.
I have a new grandson named Bryan Kristopher...I have seen him once. He is precious. The GranddadE has the picture, we need to import it.
My other daughter (the mother of four of these children) has found out she is having twins....It is exciting. My mother is a twin and my husband is a twin. It will be boys. Probably faternal as that is what runs in the families.
I made an A on my first course, and have enrolled in the second one required to start on my masters. I have learned to make woody cuttings. That is great. I could already make soft cuttings.
I am working 6 days a week, president of 180 women in my church's womens organization, volunteering as a family history worker 3 hours a week and taking an online college class, and assisting my mother who has developed anxiety caused false dementia. Don't tell me you don't have time. People need to learn to relax and trust in God and their family. I am an only child. It is hard to feel you have a lost a member of the family when they are physically right there. Working as an RN, I had experiences with different mental health challenges and with brain injuries. It is never easy, even with professional information.
My oldest son who returned from a church mission, is getting ready to graduate this spring. He is struggling with future decisions.
My 16 year old is pressing for his driver's license. He is working hard to assist my around the house which is greatly appreciated... Our goal is for him to get his Eagle in Boy Scouts this year.
My husband is a hard working wonderfully supportive man. He was driving through a subdivision on his way home and a deer charged his pick up. The deer hit the passenger side door and knocked in the mirror and window shattering glass all over my husband. We spent until 1am in the emergency room. He was lucky to only have glass in his ear, abrasions, and a contusion under his eye. He had been looking to see if he could move into the other lane or he might have gotten glass in his eye too.
It is fun sitting here writing and listening to Celine Dion.
Relaxing too.
Will try not to take so long in writing again and will try and be coherent too.

Excitement

2005-08-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

Being in the green industry one sees new life at all times. BUT
When it is your child having a baby, it is special! I am a grandmother seven times, but still get excited at the advent of each new child. I am the world's worst at emulating the small banty hens who try to steal baby chicks for themselves. I love children and their special way of looking at life. Each one is so unique and are so full of joy. What a gift it is to have family.
I am also beginning a new phase in my life. I am, at a grandmotherly age, beginning my Master's in college program. I hope to make it through the GRE test. : )

New Beginnings

2005-08-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we find ourselves being pushed along even if we want to stay in a comfortable niche.
I not being a technological person, loving the earth, wind, sun and all things associated with the out of doors am reaching to develop a spot in the eworld that I will be comfortable to work with. I will accept suggestions and assistance with gratitude.