Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
The Hero made the following comment as he hung up his phone from talking with a treasured old friend. With tears in his eyes he said, "I can never be poor, when I have the wealth of such friends."
This is such a truth.
We are excited! We are going home! It is still under the supervision of hospice, but it will be just 2 or 3 visits a week. The rest of the time he can enjoy home. Blessings do hold our hopes up.
Tonight the Hero is exhausted. An old friend from college came by, a cousin, and three friends from church. The visits were wonderful and he laughed and joked and reminiscing of times past. Now that the excitement has diminished, he is resting quietly on his pillow.
I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that is mindful of his lowly servants needs. What joy to know, we will be in the gentle surroundings of our own home. Praise be to His name.
Love to all
Sunday, November 16, 2008
That is how I feel today. We are at the hospice. Lovely people, but all still have the same mindset that the doctors at the hospital did. It is over just keep him sedated and he will just be fine. WELL, my hero just needed a break. Yesterday the family that was closest all came by and visited with him. By the end of the day, he was more alert, but still very weak. They finally started moving his pain medication back to where it was before we went into the hospital. I had been worrying about having a new doctor to start all over with. (The hospice doctor takes over the care and all other doctors disappear.) God steps in and wa la...the doctor comes in (and while he is not the only doctor, he is one of them that will see the Hero) and surprise of surprises, he was the doctor that inserted the chest tube in the Hero's pleura space to drain the fluid off his lungs at the hospital. He, after visiting with the Hero, increased the pain long acting medication back to what it was before hospitalization.
That relaxed the hero so much that he fell asleep after being given the medication and slept from 9pm to 3 am. Now when you are in the room and want to sleep until 6am...not so cool...but when you are awaken by a wide awake time oriented and alert spouse that you have not been able to have a sane conversation with for 8 days...the sleep dissipates and you sit up and take notice. This is were we had a strong discussion with the night nurse. Her thought was just sedate him and it doesn't matter that he won't be able to think. I said 'no'...he wants to be able to make choices. The Hero after listening to the exchange, then told the nurse he needed pain relief, but did not want to be sedated. So she went to the doctor at 4am and asked for his pain medication to be completely put back to his home meds. Woo hoo...he now has a mind...they were giving him an anti-psychotic, and sleep medication. It pays to ask questions about what are you giving "me".
As I was contemplating all that has happened, it came to me that going through these times have given us lessons in enduring to the end. Christ says "endure to the end that you may have eternal life." I thought "hmmm, if we just sedate ourselves with "whatever", then we miss the opportunity to learn how to endure." I have learned that endurance is done with a clear mind and accepting heart.
Our children and the Hero too have frequently wondered why the blessings of healing when he goes through so much. It has sometimes had an appearance of Job. The Hero, even when his mind was clouded, found solace in trying to say a prayer. He remembered that prayers of gratitude to the Lord were important. Sometimes the prayers were a simple "Heavenly Father, please help me". I have learned that comfort permeates the person who has a prayer in their heart. There is great peace in him. Unless of course I leave and he didn't really realize that I had left, then it can be a challenge.
I must stop and pay attention to my hero. May the Lord be with me and thee. Hummer
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I don't like facing this...but I can do it and Heavenly Father is with me always.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Like a rainbow revealing a pot of gold, the hero's temperature has revealed two infections going on.
This is my own paintart picture I entitled "Confusion"
Monday was an up and down day. The hero was first told, that they were changing his pain medication to hydromorphone....Dalaudid. We were not familiar with the name hydromorphone, so we didn't realize it was dalaudid until the nurse came in to change the drip. Even under the influence of the heavy morphine, a flag went up and he wouldn't let them give it to him until I got back from moving the car. ( I stupidly had put his phone in my purse...duh) The Spirit works! Dalaudid makes him totaly zoned out to where he gets depressed and can't even remember what day it is etc.
Next the nurse relayed that they were going to do a pelvic bloc at 1 pm. We had been told they would come by and discuss it with us. 30 min later they came back and said no we will do it tomorrow. 2 hours later the internal systems doctor came by and said..."They will not do the nerve bloc because the cancer is too near to the area they need to work in." That was a blow to the hero because he had not been told that there would be a time limit on obtaining the bloc. 30min after that, the Hero had a 101 fever. Now they have done all sorts of cultures. We thought that may be it was the constipation from the high doses of morphine. A doctor at UTMB had figured that out last Jan when they couldn't find a reason for his 102 temps. Whatever, he has felt like there was an infection going on so maybe...it could be your prayers for his welfare. The surgeons said they would not do surgery on him. The Internal Medicine team said they were just interested in his chronic pain control. If anyone will do anything, it will have to be the oncologist. That would be the doctor that he had at intake. They upped his dose of morphine again, so he is not really alert and drifts off. He can wake up to eat. etc. Tomorrow will be another day.
Stay tuned to the latest saga in the life of "The Hero"
Love ya all