Gifts of Love

Today we laid my hero to rest. He was so sweet. I didn't know it, but he had left little gems of loving comments with special friends who shared them at his funeral today. It was a long hard day, but a joyous one that was uplifting to me and our family. We know the hero is in the arms of his Heavenly Father, and is rolling up his sleeves to work hard on the other side of the veil.
I hope that our posts have been a uplifting source to those who have come by to visit. The calls, letters, hand shakes, hugs, visits were, through out our ordeal, rays of sunshine that brightened our days.
May God bless you all as you have blessed us.
Thank you again,
the Hummer

Endings are the Doors to New Beginnings

My heart is heavy as I post this last post. The hero, after a long and valiant fight with colon cancer, passed on Tuesday the 23nd from this life to the next. Words I would use to describe his heart was kind, gentle, loving, uplifting, caring. He loved Heavenly Father, was thankful to Christ for the atonement. His was a very peaceful passing. Our oldest son and his wife were in attendance. While it was painful to know that the last breath was taken, the spirit told me it was for his benefit. He had gradually gotten weaker until he wasn't able to lift a spoon. He couldn't swallow. I had spent a day encouraging him to sip fluids to prevent him from having dehydration. I didn't want him to have severe cramping that goes with the dehydration. When he began to live in the world of angels more than this life, you could tell that it was harder and harder to come back to to this world to answer questions. My pain was that I could not hold him in my arms because every part of his body was extremely sensitive to touch.

God was good to us. We had 38 years of wonderful times and experiences together. Six children that have been awesome blessing to our lives. Then there was the 13 grandchildren that brightened the hero's days as he watched them grow, that brought smiles to his face even in the last two days of his life. His little granddaughter of 1 year would stand at his bedside and peer up to him looking for recoginition and both would smile at the other, if it happened.

I stand at the beginning of another phase of my life, as I accept the loss of my sweetheart. I do not dispair for I know that my Heavenly Father is mindful of my needs and will continue to hold me up as I step forth into my future.

Thank you for all your prayers and loving concern during the last year and a half, they were all greatly appreciated.

Have to Share My Funny

If I had a Santa HO HO HO, I would play it with this.

I have to share with you my funny. I say my funny. because it was a funny thing I did.

On Sunday, I wanted to wish my oldest granddaughter a "Happy Birthday". She was turning 15 an almost age, so I wanted to let her know I thought it was important.

Well...I started calling both of her parents phones at 1pm well after church to talk with her. No answer.

I emailed.

I yahoo IM'd, told my granddaughter I would have text messaged her if I had her phone number . I text messaged her mom's phone. No answers. Finally, in a moments desperation, I left a message on my son-in-law's phone saying, 'If you look out your window, you will see a little old lady with a picket sign walking up and down in front of your house. The sign says "Unfair treatment of a grandmother when she can't call her granddaughter." ' Still no response.

About 2 hours later, I received a call from...my granddaughter, my red head. I was so excited. I began telling her about my delima. She laughed and said "Grandma, my birthday is not until Wednesday." LOL. I had three more days before I was late. I told her that in that case, she needed to tell her dad to disregard the message I left. We both had a laugh about that. It was just wonderful getting to talk with her.

I am a blessed woman. I have wonderful, loving, caring, and kind children and grandchildren. That includes the wonderful ones who married my children.

Christmas Comes in a Car

This was our Monday Family Home Evening. Christmas in a car. Our youngest son went to a friends house for a Christmas party that we all usually go to. It was promising to be a quiet, possibly lonely evening. Our home and visiting teacher came by to drop off and pick up some things the hero needed. (They are wonderful people that serve with their whole hearts.) As they were preparing to leave a car drove up. We were baffled because no one had called and said they were coming. When you live at least 8 miles from civilization(although to those of you in the mountains that is not much, in the city minded folk that is a distance), most people call first to make sure you are going to be there or are able to take visitors. In seconds, the house was filled with Christmas. My sweet daughters had pooled together and had brought their families up. No easy feat, both live 2 hours away. The older boys made hot chocolate. Our girls had brought cinnamon rolls to go with it. The babies were busy giggling and seeking what they could get into. After a prayer, the family sang Christmas songs with the hero. He had the energy for a verse. Then he just leaned back and enjoyed all. Little Red's giggles brought a huge smile on his lips. I was gratified to see that. Miss Smiles melted his heart with her smile and thrown kisses. May my girls and their husbands be blessed for their efforts to bring joy to the hero. God has been good to us.

Feeling Our Way

When we came home, no one thought the Hero would make it out of the hospice. Now that we are at home the nurses are constantly second guessing the Lord as to when the Hero's time has come. He is weak and the morphine really hurts him mentally...ie: depression. Our biggest problem has been the urine catheter. Most of the time we spend reading or watching up lifting videos. The Hero can not stand violence or hateful things, not even in the form of humor ie: "Home Alone". He loves hymns and prayer.

The last two days have been cold for here. We have to use electric heaters because of his oxygen. He did like it when I opened the door for him to see snow in Montgomery TX. Not a usual happening. Of course the snow was not like the picture, but the flakes were huge like the snowflakes up north. We were amused by the phone calls from our son and daughters. It is funny for years one can long for snow, then after living in it for a short time, the enjoyment dwindles with the knowledge of what comes with snow.

The other morning I had been really tired from up and down all night. My oldest son called just to say "Hi, how are you?" It was an encouragement I needed. The hardest thing about cancer is the pain that takes away the ability of loved ones to hold or cuddle the person hurting. Since I am a huggy type person, you have to understand that my inner self is in great pain. It is not my desire to complain, it is merely my desire to express my pain to let some of it go. I know that one day, we will greet each other with wonderful hugs and kisses on the other side. I just miss them so very much with him right next to me. We exchange kisses and smiles as our manner of loving one another.

Right now, the hope is that he will make it through the Christmas holidays, in order that the children can make it to see him and spend some time with him. I just don't know what the Lord has in mind. I do what I can. Don't mistake this post as one of discouragement, rather one of bewilderment. Between the nurses and the fatigue, it is hard to keep in tune with the spirit and understand what is happening.

We Are Decking the Hall with Holly

Thanksgiving was a wonderful blessing.

Surrounded by my children that could make it home and their children. My sweet Hero was alternately grateful for all the attention and overwhelmed.

He loved the fun of watching them play board games and watching the leaves falling from the large window in the living room where his bed is situated.

We had a traditional meal with the dressing being my one disaster this year. The turkey was so fat that the dressing was just swimming in the fat. We disposed of it and enjoyed my son-in-law's favorite mashed potatoes with the meal. Now it is the day after and we have all leaned back and just tried to

relax for the early part of the day until most have dispersed. My number 4 child

is still here and setting up Christmas decorations for us. She is a blessing too.

Christmas promises to be a special time for us. So far, Heavenly Father has been blessing my Hero with his strength increasing daily. Does this say the cancer is gone? No, but he is busy searching for things to do that are uplifting and good for others. I so love him. He is uplifting to me, even when he is sitting and thinking for the next thing for me to do. LOL

We are having to work on what we thought might be bed sores beginning. I am beginning to think that maybe it is the same stuff as the gangrene he had on his groin. All that nasty stuff inside must have a way of getting out...if skin is the closest area...that is what it will be. Enough negative. We are excited about the upcoming holiday. God is in His heaven and He loves us all so much that he gave his only begotten Son.

Through Christ's atonement, we are afforded the ability to overcome.

I love Christmas so I will be enjoying posting this month to use my free clip art.

Some Things are Priceless

The Hero made the following comment as he hung up his phone from talking with a treasured old friend. With tears in his eyes he said, "I can never be poor, when I have the wealth of such friends."

This is such a truth.

We are excited! We are going home! It is still under the supervision of hospice, but it will be just 2 or 3 visits a week. The rest of the time he can enjoy home. Blessings do hold our hopes up.

Tonight the Hero is exhausted. An old friend from college came by, a cousin, and three friends from church. The visits were wonderful and he laughed and joked and reminiscing of times past. Now that the excitement has diminished, he is resting quietly on his pillow.

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that is mindful of his lowly servants needs. What joy to know, we will be in the gentle surroundings of our own home. Praise be to His name.

Love to all

More Things I Have Learned

This is a sunset. Sometimes during the storm, it looks so dark then the clouds start dispersing and you see a glorious sunset and know that there is still great beauty around.

That is how I feel today. We are at the hospice. Lovely people, but all still have the same mindset that the doctors at the hospital did. It is over just keep him sedated and he will just be fine. WELL, my hero just needed a break. Yesterday the family that was closest all came by and visited with him. By the end of the day, he was more alert, but still very weak. They finally started moving his pain medication back to where it was before we went into the hospital. I had been worrying about having a new doctor to start all over with. (The hospice doctor takes over the care and all other doctors disappear.) God steps in and wa la...the doctor comes in (and while he is not the only doctor, he is one of them that will see the Hero) and surprise of surprises, he was the doctor that inserted the chest tube in the Hero's pleura space to drain the fluid off his lungs at the hospital. He, after visiting with the Hero, increased the pain long acting medication back to what it was before hospitalization.

That relaxed the hero so much that he fell asleep after being given the medication and slept from 9pm to 3 am. Now when you are in the room and want to sleep until 6am...not so cool...but when you are awaken by a wide awake time oriented and alert spouse that you have not been able to have a sane conversation with for 8 days...the sleep dissipates and you sit up and take notice. This is were we had a strong discussion with the night nurse. Her thought was just sedate him and it doesn't matter that he won't be able to think. I said 'no'...he wants to be able to make choices. The Hero after listening to the exchange, then told the nurse he needed pain relief, but did not want to be sedated. So she went to the doctor at 4am and asked for his pain medication to be completely put back to his home meds. Woo hoo...he now has a mind...they were giving him an anti-psychotic, and sleep medication. It pays to ask questions about what are you giving "me".

As I was contemplating all that has happened, it came to me that going through these times have given us lessons in enduring to the end. Christ says "endure to the end that you may have eternal life." I thought "hmmm, if we just sedate ourselves with "whatever", then we miss the opportunity to learn how to endure." I have learned that endurance is done with a clear mind and accepting heart.

Our children and the Hero too have frequently wondered why the blessings of healing when he goes through so much. It has sometimes had an appearance of Job. The Hero, even when his mind was clouded, found solace in trying to say a prayer. He remembered that prayers of gratitude to the Lord were important. Sometimes the prayers were a simple "Heavenly Father, please help me". I have learned that comfort permeates the person who has a prayer in their heart. There is great peace in him. Unless of course I leave and he didn't really realize that I had left, then it can be a challenge.

I must stop and pay attention to my hero. May the Lord be with me and thee. Hummer

Preparations Must be Made

Just letting everyone know what the oncologist said today. He said that the cancer is so extensive and the Hero is so weak that chemo and radiation is not an option. He was interested in Dad's hopes and said that keeping his hope alive was important. However, the decision to not do extra measures (such as CPR) if he had heart failure etc. was made. That is what the Hero wants, he never wanted to be on a machine. At this point, Dr. Patel ( The Hero has faith and trust in him and had asked him to continue on the case if he could.), has the goal to get him home. It may be via inhouse hospice...and kind of medical halfway house...then home on hospice. The Hero was asking yesterday to go home. It has been determined that since he has a damaged liver, that the medication is not being metabolized as it should and that is why he is so sedated. So hmmm... hope is that we can discontinue the Haldol a strong antipsycotic drug that was given to aid him in the confusion experienced after ICU. Prayers are in order. All is in Heavenly Father's hands, I am at peace with whatever He has in mind. I will do all I can and strive to keep The Hero's hope alive until he is called home to Heavenly Father. I am writing, because I love all of you and my sinuses can't handle the tears I experience talking about this. The Hero is my special friend, we have had a wonderful life of 38 years together, 7 marvelous children and 13 awesome grandchildren. The years have been filled with fun, challenges, laughter, and love.
I don't like facing this...but I can do it and Heavenly Father is with me always.

Gratitude

Fall, especially November, is a time for expressing our gratitude to Heavenly Father for the bounteous blessings that he has given us through out the year. For our fore- fathers, it was for the crops and actually living for another year. It is not so with us, there are too many things that distract us from properly expressing that gratitude. Many have big family dinners, then mom or grandmother fall exhaustively into a chair afterwards. Others consider it a great day to shop or go play on the lake etc. Considering the size of our countries population, only a few take the time to reflect and meditate on the blessing they have received. ....Off my soap box.

I want everyone who reads this to know, I know that there is a loving Heavenly Father who listens to and answers our prayers. I know that He is mindful of our every need. Sometimes, it is hard to distinguish between wants and needs. I am thankful for a righteous man who has been a good steward over his church duties, family duties, and as a husband. I am very grateful to my Heavenly Father who has blessed me with special time and love with my hero.

Today, we have been told that there is excessive fluid in the hero's left lung. They will draw off the fluid tomorrow. And that should allow the lung to re inflate. I am grateful for the blessing that the fluid can be drawn off. I pray for the hero's safety and the arms of Christ to encircle him in his time of need.

I would also like to express my love and gratitude for all of those that have prayed for the hero and put his name on prayer rolls and have extended helping arms and hands. I love all of you. It is uplifting to know angels are here with me. God bless you all.

The Hummer

Infections Reveal Themselves

Like a rainbow revealing a pot of gold, the hero's temperature has revealed two infections going on.

The urine test came back that he had a bladder infection. That is not unusual for someone with an indwelling catheter. (They have not learned as I have to listen to the hero because he lives close to the spirit and many times has told me things which were true but not things I wanted to accept because I did not see the evidence...which later presented itself.)The bladder infection still did not answer for me why the hero was experiencing shortness of breath. Today one of the several disciples of doctors ordered a x-ray done. We waited to find out the results.

At 3 pm they decided to change his morphine to Fentayl. A very strong opioid. First he was given Lyrica. A new potentiating anti-inflamatory drug for the Fentayl. Then they started the Fentayl. Everything seemed to be going fine until about 8pm, when they were doing his wound care. (Which, by-the-way has closed and he has beautiful new skin. An indication that his immune system must be working.) All of a sudden he was unable to get his air, not just shortness of breath, rather difficultly breathing and his oxygen level fell below normal level and the O2 did not relieve it, and he became very distressed. His blood pressure went up to 190/92. They began asking if he was on blood pressure medication. NOT!. I looked up Fentayl. Important side effect...difficulty breathing.... The nurse waited 30 min rechecked his blood pressure. Still high. So she called the doctor on call. The hero has told her he does not want to continue with the Fentayl. The doctor came in and said well it could be the pneumonia that was causing the shortness of breath. The hero and I were surprised. We said, "where did the pneumonia come from?" She said the doctors apparently had not seen the x-ray result and that the radiologist has summarized the report in that it appeared that he had pneumonia behind the cancer growth in the lung. The hero said that was all well and good but the onset of the breathing was so sudden that it was not likely to be from pneumonia as that would have been building slow growing shortness of breath. He felt it was the medication. She said okay that she was going to order the morphine restarted stop the other and proceed to treat him for pneumonia. He now has an O2 mask on; they have started breathing treatments. He has calmed down, but he has dark circles under his eyes and is tired. They have also started 2 new antibiotics. I sit here working on the blog keeping and eye on him. God is good. I am so thankful for such a wonderful hero and it wrenches my heart to see him suffer. He was musing that he had gone through the gangrene and yet the Lord had spared him...for what to go through this excruciating pain? I reminded him that he still has a work to do.

He is working hard to overcome. Prayers are our support under our dragging arms.

Will update as things break through. : )

Confusion

This is my own paintart picture I entitled "Confusion"

Well,
Monday was an up and down day. The hero was first told, that they were changing his pain medication to hydromorphone....Dalaudid. We were not familiar with the name hydromorphone, so we didn't realize it was dalaudid until the nurse came in to change the drip. Even under the influence of the heavy morphine, a flag went up and he wouldn't let them give it to him until I got back from moving the car. ( I stupidly had put his phone in my purse...duh) The Spirit works! Dalaudid makes him totaly zoned out to where he gets depressed and can't even remember what day it is etc.
Next the nurse relayed that they were going to do a pelvic bloc at 1 pm. We had been told they would come by and discuss it with us. 30 min later they came back and said no we will do it tomorrow. 2 hours later the internal systems doctor came by and said..."They will not do the nerve bloc because the cancer is too near to the area they need to work in." That was a blow to the hero because he had not been told that there would be a time limit on obtaining the bloc. 30min after that, the Hero had a 101 fever. Now they have done all sorts of cultures. We thought that may be it was the constipation from the high doses of morphine. A doctor at UTMB had figured that out last Jan when they couldn't find a reason for his 102 temps. Whatever, he has felt like there was an infection going on so maybe...it could be your prayers for his welfare. The surgeons said they would not do surgery on him. The Internal Medicine team said they were just interested in his chronic pain control. If anyone will do anything, it will have to be the oncologist. That would be the doctor that he had at intake. They upped his dose of morphine again, so he is not really alert and drifts off. He can wake up to eat. etc. Tomorrow will be another day.
Stay tuned to the latest saga in the life of "The Hero"
Love ya all
MOMe

Happy Birthdays

How could I have forgotten!!!!

My son in law just had his birthday on Wednesday. We will have cake this weekend when they come up. (can't find a picture will do later)

My second daughter had her birthday today. She will not have cake as she is fighting a systemic yeast infection...so her sweet husband said..."where shall we go shopping."

If my reminders are not working....I do forget where I am as well as what is going on.

Love them all!!!!!

The Journey to MD Anderson clinics

The journey to get to the clinic was like a hike to a cabin in the woods.

We maneuvered our way through the maize of the traffic and turns from downtown Houston to Holcombe Blvd next to M D Anderson Hospital. There, they told us to use the valet parking. We parked....went in, there they routed us to the skywalk (remember the hero can barely stand for long now let alone walk long distances.). That was up two floors. At the skywalk, they did have a golf cart (club cart) that the hero was able to lean on to ride over to the Mozy Bldg. I walked, as there wasn't anymore room, to take his walker over. WALKED...the equivalent of 4 blocks!. The building was 4 blocks away! I found out we could have parked next to the building. Ask me if my sore ankle was tired. We arrived with the blessing of an MD Anderson employee who pushed the hero up in a wheelchair from the skywalk to elevators U to go to the 8th floor to his appointed clinic (remember I still had to push his walker). Surprisingly, we made it and we were only 5 min. late. I really was surprised. We filled out his papers. This was at 11:15am. Then proceeded to picnic...I had brought his lunch...he ate well...no nausea this time. We found a puzzle they had on a coffee table and settled the hero down on the couch and I focused on figuring out the puzzle. Finally at 2:00 pm, the hero said, "can you see what is happening". So much for thinking they would be on top of things. I went to the desk, and asked. She looked surprised...and said who is the patient? I told her...she was like "oh darn...we goofed" all over her face. She said let me talk with the in taker. We were in in 10 minutes. From that time on, it went well. He was given a patient number. I have to send back more papers, like proof of citizenship, residency in the US etc... The doctor was a full doctor not a resident with faculty. He was very astute, asked questions, took notes, paid attention, and really very nice. I have a habit of calling these young doctors "the little doctor" even if they are 6 ft tall. He caught the references and laughed and said he knows what he will be called now.

The plan at present is to reevaluate what all has happened since the last treatments. That means new labs, c-scan, obtaining records, etc., once those are in hand, then he will decide which direction to go. It will take a little while, but that will let the hero's wound to finish healing. We are 3/4ths there now. Some chemotherapy treatments are not an option any longer since he developed gangrene before. No matter, the hero is encouraged that someone is listening to his needs, and that is probably worth more than treatments right now. He had lost down to 155lbs. (a 10lb drop) since the gangrene infection.

The picture I used is from classroom clip art. I have hiked to cabins up in the mountains just like that, when I was younger, of course. Love the feeling of hmmmm not aloneness, but calmness, and peacefulness that comes from separation from crowds.

The next step in our journey has begun. Pray for us. We pray for all.

Unexpected Blessings

The sun always comes out after the storms.

This last week has been a long hard one. After hurricane Ike, we discovered that we were monetarily short. I looked at the pantry and said well, we will just have to live on food storage for a week or two. Faces from the peanut gallery. Not to take away blessings from some wonderful people (so I won't mention their names), I want to say we were blessed by a sister from the ward who came over to "get a hug" and bring by a pot roast and cookies. We did recognize the blessing. The pot roast fed us for at least 4 meals and some of the meat served to furnish barbecue meat for my son's lunches. We just ate the last of the potatoes with our lunch after church today. Another sister came by with meat and soup left over from her job which is at a catering company, and another sister brought by deer sausage...none knew of the situation of these next few weeks so it was really testimony building of how our Heavenly Father watches over us in our need. We are taken care of until this minor financial challenge is over.

The hero has been overwhelmed with the kindness of others. He has been having huge amounts of pain and our biggest challenge right now is keeping nourishment in his body. He has lost more weight. We will be going to MD Anderson Cancer Hospital for evaluation since John Sealy UTMB is still closed. That will be on Wednesday. I will update after that.

I had told you I would write about my son's motorcycle...have to take pictures...He is not cooperating.

clip art is from a teachers clip art web site...

Get Above the Circumstances

[Having wonderful smelling herbs around are so uplifting.
I love rosemary. I have it just outside the door. It is nice to run your fingers through the limbs and what a lively fragrance. Pineapple sage is both sweet and pungent. The flowers attract the hummingbirds. Oh, I forgot to tell you we put up our feeder and had hours of fun watching the many hummers work together and fight for the the nectar. The hero said they are hard workers but can be mean too! ; ) ]
Here it is Oct. 16, 2008 almost a month since my last post. As I was glancing over the previous post, I believe I neglected to let you know that at the end of July, the radiation oncologist looked at the hero's ct scan again and discovered that the results had been read backward. That instead of going backwards he had been improving in every area. Sigh. The truth is we have been trying to get back to treatment since then. The radiation Dr immediately contacted oncology (chemotherapy) and told them to get him back in the program. Well, 4 weeks later an appointment was made...the hero was in the hospital, so ... they reappointed him to come in on Sep. 13th. Hurricane Ike was a factor and all appointments were canceled. Here it is a month later and we are now trying to find the serving clinic since Galveston hospital of UTMB John Sealy is still trying to dry out and mold clean up and remodel after the water damage done.


We keep getting teaser calls saying that things are being worked on then silence for a week until we call again, only to find that things are still in confusion.


I have suffered from stress which created an acid condition in my body that caused joint pain and muscle spasms. Our daughter and her wonderful husband have blessed us since my walking and the hero's right now are compromised. They are wonderful. With the loving care of a great friend that knows herbs my condition has begun to reverse itself. The arms are almost a okay and the knees are now walkable.


The gangrene wound is healing very well. I am excited at that progress. But he has been having extreme pain in his buttocks, so that is worrisome. One doctor suggested some of the problem might be over congestion of the lymph nodes trying to clean out the dead gunk. Most likely...so I have turned to alternative medicine once again to try to open and move the lymph system and help the liver which will be overloaded. So much...you would think that some of this would be addressed by the medical system unstead of just more medicine to help pain. I am venting sorry.


Our goal has been to focus on smiling and being uplifting to others. Usually we succeed, but sometimes the hero has his head down under the circumstances and we have to pull it up so he can see the angels around him. God has blessed us greatly. It is nice to know we are able to make decisions for ourselves and that there are helping hands at every turn.


I will post next about my youngest son and our experience in his getting his motorcycle license.


Life is good.

Tisk, Tisk and Shame on me!

I never wrote in June about the hero and his venture of creating Fig Jam.

One evening he came in and exclaimed "the fig trees (we have three) are just loaded with figs!" He then commenced to have me plan out what he need to make fig jam, enough for us and the kids. I was still dealing with an ankle that kept me off my feet, so...we would come home from work, he would snatch up a small grocery bag and off he would go to the trees. About and hour later, he would come in with the bags brimming, and grinning from ear to ear. He was excited. It was fun cleaning the figs for him which I could do and squishing them, then showing him the amounts of other ingredients he needed. He would do one or two batches a night. [He lost about 2 bags of figs he had frozen to the hurricane.] Below he is stirring his brew over the stove and below that is his finished product. He canned about 36 jars of fig preserves. Most were strawberry flavored but he experimented with other jello flavors too. We will have to wait for the kids to tell you if they are good or not, I am prejudiced...they were wonderful and I so loved watching him work. What a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and being provident.

Oh MY, Hurricane Ike went through like a Hurricane ; )

We had gone to the surgical clinic on Wednesday before Ike. Because of the storm brewing, we were sent home with some catheter kits and orders to change the dressings to normal saline and do it twice a day. The orders were if he still can't void on his own, when your kits are used up, go the emergency room.
We stayed home to sit out the hurricane. We are 125 miles inland from Galveston and were on the west side of the storm. Our son and daughter and her husband battened down the hatches and we all worked together to make it being locked up in the house for the deluge. Watching the long oak limbs swing widely left one wondering if they would stay attached to the trees. There were some 75 - 100 mph gusts but no sustained winds of that caliber...thank goodness! The neighbors lost a tree across the road, and the same on the way into town. The day after the storm, my son drove in and assisted others in cleaning up the roads and investigated the damage in town. It became evident that we fared well in just loosing a greenhouse and some misc. limbs and electricity ( which meant the well wouldn't work). [I will add pictures when we finally get home. I left the camera there.] We waited 4 days and then gave up to go on into the hero's twin brother to stay, so the hero could have water and bathe. They were lovely host and hostess. What blessings they have earned, in all the service they offered my hero and myself.
After I ran out of catheter kits, we ended up in the ER at a hospital near his brother's home. They have been lovely personnel in this hospital. I hope we can pay some. They put him on antibiotics again, catheterized him, and restarted his wound care like we do at home. The only problem is the confusion around his pain medication routine. Confuses me why it is so hard for them to grasp continuity.

Things They Don't Prepare You For.

Since I updated last, we have had so much happen. My hero was beginning to have great pain in his groin area and fevers. We went on a trip to have a scan done to tell us the locations of the cancer and if it was still active. When we got there, we discovered the cancer part of the scan had been banned by the FDA saying they were pinpointing the cancer cells too soon? Anyway, the gist of his modified scan said that there were toxins in his body that needed to be expelled. We thought well after the chemo that was probably true. The day after we got back, I worked and the hero stayed home and slept. On Sunday, I went to church because he could not wakup to get ready to go. His temperature was 100. When I got back home, I checked him again and it was 102. Our home teacher came by to administer sacrament to him and found him not in his right mind. He was confused. I gave him Tylenol and the temp came down to 99. He decided not to go to the ER, but to go to work instead. It took him until 11 am to his bookkeeper in some challenges she had. That night he told me that his buttocks were hurting. This was not a new declaration( I thought)...Paradigms can get one into trouble. On Tuesday, we went back to work. He became very feverish. I gave his Tylenol and the fever went down to 99.9. We were trying to decide if it was from the trip. This evening he said "look at my buttocks and tell me if they are swollen"...I did and yes the right buttock was twice the size of the other, red and feverish. I said we will go to the ER in the morning. When he got up, the swelling had moved all over his lower parts and was fire engine red. We headed straight to the ER. When we arrived, his temperature was 103.6. They ushered him right in. One look at the area and the seasoned ER surgeon said major infection probably that came from cancer tissue dying and building into an abscess. Two hours later he was in surgery. I waited for the simple procedure to end... only to see that in 40 min he was in recovery...I waited for a doctor...none came...looked up again to see ICU...this was not the plan the doctor had described in the ER. I met the nurses transferring him at the door. They were upset that I had not talked to a doctor yet. He was experiencing high blood pressure and tachycardia so they planned to keep him in surgical ICU over night to make sure he stayed stable. I went home with Emily and spent the night there, after visiting with a very woozy hero. The next day he was moved to a surgical recovery floor. ( The nurses and aides have been really wonderful and sweet people.) Friday morning, the surgeons decided that more debrieding of necrotic tissue was needed. Saturday for the first time I got to see the length and width and depth of the wound was...Oh geez, that was painful just to look at. My heart goes out to him as he endures the dressing changes. We have now been in here over a week, and today, Saturday, they told him they are sending him home on Sunday....Oh my I have to do the dressing changes, watching the indwelling catheter, meds, and oh my. It helps being a nurse, but looking into that wound is scary. Today will be transition to going home. Our son and daughter and their families are coming up today...will have to send them home with some money to assist in preparing the room for a sterile set up.
Sigh...Prayers are my source of comfort in this.

And Here is the Lady of the Hour!

My hero and I had the priviledge of attending a ceremony of his mother being given the "Resident of the Month" award at her assisted living home. If you watched her loving on the staff and her fellow residents you would understand just how much she deserved the award. She is beautiful!

The ONLY good Deer is venison in the Freezer!

Sure I have worked with countless customers to rescue their yards from deer. I have assisted and put my arms around distraught customers who had lost all their new plants. I have never had a deer on my 7 acres. BUT I have always had a dog. We lost our last blue heeler in the spring and did not replace it because we were gone so much to the hospital. NOW the deer have discovered, we do not have a big dog and guess what!
The hero came in saying our cucumbers were being eaten by bugs and looked like the sprinkler was not reaching it. I thought, "my ankle hurts and is swollen, I am tired, I will wait until the morning to go look..." He persisted. When I got out to the garage, he had gotten out the golf cart so I wouldn't have to walk with the crutches as far.
Upon my arrival, my first thought was "did the adolescent son play too close with his sword and whack my cucumbers?...." Then as I traversed the center of the raised beds, I detected the odor of hoofed animals. Since we frequently have horses loose in the area, my first thought was the neighbor's horses got loose again. Then I got to the lemon cucumbers and pole beans...whacked off too and little hoof prints up in the raised bed....DEER!@!
My thoughts are not of sweet Bambi...(maybe in a zoo or on the top of a mountain), but of venison in the freezer. From my experience, I already know the dream of wonderful fresh vegetables I had planned for my hero are waning quickly. I want a BIG dog!!!!

Moving Ahead

A bougainvillea plant grows its branches terminating into a ball of beautiful color. The flowers are commonly called "Paper Flowers". The blossoms last for a long time.
This reminds me of our life right now. The only way to get a bougainvillea to bloom is to stress it out. You minimize the watering, fertilizing, and give it lots of sunshine.
The hero has decided to stop Chemotherapy. The doctors decided that the medications being used were not effective so they chose to stop those and start a new kind. The literature on the drugs revealed they are experimental from Canada, and if you don't have a horrible rash especially on the face that the drug is not working. The longest the extension of life it offers is 7 months. The hero decided that he didn't want to spend the last months of his life, if that is the Lord's choice, in misery and pain. So we are putting our hands in the Lord's hand and letting him guide us. We had a friend that the doctor's told her she would only live 6 months if she didn't do a specific therapy. She chose against it and over 6 years later she was still going. Only the Lord knows our time.

Oh My! We Can Learn New Everyday.

I knew that we could learn new everyday, but I thought I had figured out my blog. Lo and Behold you can click on the pictures and make them bigger. Well, third daughter, you can click on the garden pictures and it will take you home for a minute.

Kids, look at that Fig Tree behind dad ...wow it is huge this year and full of figs. The tomatoes are full of blooms...We hope to get some shade cloth up to facilitate the plants to keep producing even when we hit hot July.

Those of you in apartments or small backyards or the desire to not weed. This is a stackable vertical garden I have at the entrance to my store. There are other pictures on the store website. Idaho...California you need this.

Love

the Hummer better known as MOMe

Father's Day was great!

The hero had an awesome day. We made it to church in a timely manner....which is in itself a wonder.... He received a phone call from each of his six children, AND he got to talk to all of his grandchildren. Our son and his wife sent him a funny card as well as calling and singing Happy Father's Day to the tune of Happy Birthday. He enjoyed that and the giggle it gave him. The Idahoian family called and each on of the eight talked with him (One is in California helping her aunt). Then the Californian family called and he got to talk to all 3 plus 1 of them. The fourth daughter called and let him talk with her two children. The boy at home waited up for us so he could visit after we got home. We went out to eat with little miss sunshine and her family. It was all good. We are grateful to our Heavenly Father for the many blessing we have at His hand.

Later, we picked up the hero's mom and took her to visit her husband's grave. She had not been there for a while and his birthday had been a week before. She was glad to have made it. We then met with little miss sunshine, along with her hubby and J.T. Great-mother wanted to go to Appleby's Restaurant, so there we went. It was a wonderful time, spent with great love and laughter. The ride home didn't make him so tired, since he was floating on a cloud of happiness.

Just a Simple Update

These are the times that make great memories, Bryan helping, pausing for a smile.

I know that I have not posted in some time. One of the challenges in this business of fighting cancer is finding time to do anything besides being focused on overcoming the illness.

Not long after my last post, I twisted my ankle in a hole at work. It was just a silly sprain. I felt I was being careful with it, but every time I would walk to the back of the property or walk over the rocks at work, I would twist it again. After 3 weeks, it began to swell up 3 times its size and became exceeding hard for me to walk. Ned finally insisted on me using a crutch. That helped, but the knee of my other leg was weak, and soon began to protest, if I put too much weight (my plague right now) on it. A wonderful friend loaned me a stabilizing boot, which has helped support and minimize the swelling. The doctor said it will take a while to heal.

There is a hero story here. I have been blessed by my hero in many ways. He can't sit, so he has taken over the dishes because my foot swells after standing very long. He goes into the stores while I wait, unless he finds a riding cart, then he comes and gets me to go with him. He waters the garden and watches over the plants to try and keep me from walking on uneven ground. My cutie grandson loves to go out to help him if he is at home. The hero is just a chivalrous kind of guy. He holds my hand to steady me...now that is a picture...Him with a cane holding my hand to help me not stumble....funny...we usually have a good laugh at ourselves when we are out shopping or going to the doctors. Our most fun is to challenge each other to a foot race.

The Spice in My Life

Just as each of the herbs on my herb table has its own wonderful characteristic, so it is the same with each of my six children and those who have become close enough to be counted among my children. The enjoyable thing about herbs and spices is that when you mix them the flavor is greatly enhanced.

As you can tell, I love all my children and the joy they have brought into my life has been immeasurable. I am greatful for the blessing of being a mother and being in partnership with my husband and Heavenly Father to raise them to the point of right choices on their own. There may be a better way to say it, but maybe later. Happy Mother's Day!

Its All Good

Spring has brought many new experiences and some old ones too.

As is always the case, at the end of a semester, grades are posted. WELL...I have managed to hold my B average for my Master's. My hero was excited because he had spent hours drilling me on my botanical names of my plant Id exams. He is so special.

He started his 5th Chemotherapy session today. So far so good. We came back to the hotel very tired, because it took from 7:30am to 3:30pm. (Forgot, since we are 3 hours from home, they let us stay in a hotel for the three days of treatment for a large reduction). Tomorrow, we will go walking outside to give him some natural Vit D. His weight has held it's own, no losses for now. When we get home we will update the blog.

High Five and Yeah!

The new doctor brought in the lab values for the cancer marker today and showed us how they had followed normal fluctuations the went down. The reading the day we put off chemo for two weeks was 58. Down from 110 which, as was predicted from experience of the doctors, had risen to 258 then went back to 110 now to 58. We feel good. Of course normal is <2.5, so we have a ways to go, but we are excited that it is going down.
We were saddened by the fact the faculty doctor we had is moving away to another hospital. She was awesome. As a matter of fact, we will have totally new staff beginning in June. The Lord has something in mind.
I am extremely excited about my garden...I did tell you that we put in 2 4X40ft raised beds didn't I? Actually it was not us but a very special friend from church who brought over three of his workers and built and filled the beds. This weekend we put in med size tomatoes, pear tomatoes, salsa tomatoes, eggplants, squash (1), and cucumbers (2). I planted some lettuce and carrots. Then we put in 18 bell pepper plants 6 bunches of onions (bunching onions) and one Sweet Basil and one Pesto Basil plant. Next week, we plan to put in some more squash and cucumbers as well as putting in some cantaloupe and watermelon seeds. All of the plants/seeds are heirloom seeds. We plan on saving some of the seeds this year for next year. Will post pictures next time.

Back Home Again

Living in the country has its blessings. After being in the city and supressed by the hospital for 5 days, just being among the trees and wildflowers brings a feeling of peace. My poor hero, as he was dressing to leave today said, "I don't know what it is, everytime I leave this hospital I feel like I am breaking out of prison." Now, it is not because of the care or food or medical care, but it is because of lack of nature and ability to get outside and enjoy the sun and air.
Our stay entailed receiving 2 units of blood and a large amount of IV iron. There was a brief moment in time that he actually got to sit flat on his bottom and eat his dinner. This was about 8 hours after he had the large amount of bleeding. He didn't have any pain, which was so wonderful after 1 year of intense pain. Unfortunately, it did not last. The ride home was painful.
He was ready to lie down and rest when we arrived.
I have enjoyed sitting here and visiting with my son who just finished running 6 miles in an hour for his Duty to God Award. He will be 19 in 5 days. Next will be spiritual preparation. There has not been enough time to relax and listen lately.
The Hero will be (oops) have his birthday in 2 days. Hmmm. What kind of celebration will I have. At the end of the month, our oldest son will come home with his wife and we will all go to Indiana Jones Movie.

One Step Forward Two Steps Back

We were so excited about the decrease in the cancer markers, that we forgot what the side effects might be. At 4:30am, I was awakened by Ned saying "I'm bleeding!" He had gotten up to go to the bathroom when the blood started. We hoped it would stop but after 2 hours we decided that we had better go to the emergency room. It was almost like the couple going in to have their baby. We made two trips back to the house (4 miles each) to get id's, POA, etc.
We got to the ER and he was whisked right in...a real change. After 7 hours in the ER, the decision was made to admit him. He hates hospitals, especially when they withhold food and he loses another 10 lbs to have to regain later.
The floor nurse just told us he will just be watched to see if the bleeding will stop by itself. And yes, his food would be held at least tonight. Sigh...he is just sleeping.
The good news is that after the bleeding had reduced to a trickle, he has had less pain, and he has been able to lie on his back which is a wonder...He has not been able to do this since last July.
So....we are sitting here in the hospital, trying to not think about food with the TV ads assulting us and being cheerful to entertain the staff. The positive is the doctor said that the bleeding is probably from the tumor shrinking and leaving blood vessels open. Usually it does resolved itself. Tumor shrinking, dying, going away those all have a wonderful sound. But of course nothing is without a price.
The room this time is wonderful. The window is where he can see out of it. The sun slips in to kiss his face. That is more cheerful than any other room he has ever had. His nurses are sweet and have listened to the history and are working hard to keep his care consistent.
I am glad if we had to come in, that he has been blessed with such good care and attention.
More later...

Unexpected Events and Great News!

Red HOT News!

When they did the blood test on the hero yesterday, it showed that the cancer markers were down to 110. She did not tell us down from what or that 35 is the top of the normal range. However the fact that it is DOWN is fabulous!

The unexpected event was that he had had an episode of nausea and sweats and weakness on the Saturday before, while I was at work. The doctor decided that maybe it was due to one of the drugs so she has delayed the chemo for 3 weeks until he is evaluated by a cardiologist to make sure no challenges have occured due to the chemo.

Now the other event was, as I was sitting at the counter contemplating what adjunct therapy to keep up while we waited, a thought came to my mind that that morning I had given him his full dose of Cellfood instead of breaking it up to two separate doses. That is only 8 drops in 8oz liquid. Usually I do 4 drops twice a day. Cellfood is a nutritive substance developed by Everett Storey to restore the environment and heal the human body. I had started this when I read Dr. Otto Warburg lectures that say cancer cells cannot grow in a high oxygen environment. Knowing that cancer is first a fungus and that fungi are anaerobic (without oxygen), I figured this was a good adjunct treatment for really making the environment unfriendly to the fungi. This is becoming a lecture...sigh...To make the story shorter...I believe he was experiencing Herxheimers Reaction. We have had this before when doing home treatments. Well, we are now taking stock of what we are doing in addition to the chemo and making sure we don't stop while they are "waiting".

One thing I have not shared, is that I have found great studies that point to Fermented Soy as being a help to stop the "wasting disease". It has to be fermented to deliver the greatest amounts of soy isoflavones to assist the cells in using protein to prevent muscle mass reduction.

When we first heard of this, I found a remarkable product called Haelan 981. It is concentrated and research has been done on it specifically. However, it is out of our and many others reach financially. It is $60 a bottle and you take one bottle a day per 50 days then reduce to 4 oz a day. Temph and Miso are okay but not concentrated enough. I did find a Soy yogurt by Stonyfield Farms. It is an excellent substitute since it also has blend of six live active cultures, including the bifous strain. I mix the soy yogurt with Herba-tein to make him a smootie for quick energy in the mornings.

When I was studing plant diseases, the description of fungal development so sounds like the formation of cancer. Mycelium is the vegetative part of a fungus, consisting of a mass of branching, thread-like hyphae. The mass of hyphae is sometimes called shiro, especially within the fairy ring fungi. Fungal colonies composed of mycelia are found in soil and on or in many other substrates. Mycelium may form fruiting bodies such as mushrooms. A mycelium may be minute, forming a colony that is too small to see, or it may be extensive: It is through the mycelium that a fungus absorbs nutrients from its environment. It does this in a two stage process. Firstly, the hyphae secrete enzymes onto the food source, which breaks down polymers into monomers. These monomers are then absorbed into the mycelium by facilitated diffusion and active transport.

You can see that the fungi' intent is to absorb you. There is no such thing as a friendly fungus in the human body.

This is a visual of the mycelium. http://www.fungusfocus.com/

With the Lord's help, we will prevail and maybe teach the medical community some new principles. I hope.

My Best Method Of Relaxing

Before the nursery was moved, I would walk out on the patio and sit and look out over the plants. There I would sit, listening to the birds, watching the butterflies, and feeling the breezes move through my hair. Plants give one a feeling of partnership with Heavenly Father. They are a real learning ground for "if you don't nurture it, it will die". Tonight, when we got home from chemotherapy, I went out to the greenhouse to check on the status of my plants after a week of being away. Walking through the pasture, listening to the birds, and rustling of the leaves was very peaceful. It was not hard to pick up the hose and begin watering the thirsty plants. I spent 2 hours watering and picking up blown over shrubs, and smelling the spring blooms. There is much work to be done, but I can feel a sense of relaxation falling over me and peacefulness as I labor to nourish my plants. My hero came down to help, but his back is not strong enough now to enable him to assist. I think for him it is more of a feeling of frustration right now because he can't participate much. My hope is to get him out more in the sunshine. Vitamin D is helpful in the body's immune system. Not to mention there is fun to be had, as well as relaxation while watching the breezes move through the trees as well as the squirrels playing tag. (As long as they stay away from my fruit trees...then they are varmints.) My thoughts flit about a freely as the birds in the tree tops.

It is hard to express my feelings in words how I feel a oneness with my Heavenly Father, when I am out and working with my plants in whatever way they are in need, watering, trimming, fertilizing, or positioning.

My grandchildren have inherited the fun of enjoying the out of doors too. Whether it is blue bonnets in the spring, snowy mountain tops, or going to the petting zoo, they love being outside.

One of the fun times I had with my Idaho maniacs was going cuttings in their bedroom (It was February.). When I left, I left some plants behind....don't know what happened to them??...! Oh! but what fun, (but a mess) it was doing it with them.

I miss them going walking, or gardening with me. Wish they could come and spend a month with me....Oh Yeah!

Chemo Goes ON and So Do WE

I have promised the sisters in our ward that I would share a picture of my hero using the blanket they so lovingly made for him. The pain doctor gave him a magnetic blanket to help with loss of heat which he uses at home, but at chemotherapy it is always this blanket of love and caring that he uses. Our hearts are filled with gratitude for such sweet charity given to us. They provide cushy recliners and television to help fill the six hours we have to sit while the chemo drugs are infused. Last time, two week ago, they added Avastin to the group of drugs infused. These seem to be having a positive affect although the pain did not decrease.
A week ago, we went to the pain doctor who has started acupuncture therapy. She is an awesome person. We were just discussing the positive affect the treatment has had on him. Two days later and frequently since, we have observed him having a belly laugh or two and his energy level has been up. He is still having a hard time facing the man in the mirror because he perceives that he has aged years in appearance. I tell him, NO, he's actually getting younger...which caused another belly laugh when his voice cracked later in conversation.

This is the hero's high five. He wears warm gloves to prevent
shocking himself during the treatment and for four days afterward. He can not eat or touch anything cold and must stay warm during that time. He lives for when the time is up and he can have an ice cream brown cow. Some people look at him a little strange when we are walking into the store, the temperature is 75 to 80 degrees, full sun and he has on his gloves, and jacket. He can't handle the cold around the cold keepers.

Last week he had the fun of having our second oldest with her new baby come work a half day. He was impressed how quiet the baby was and how pleasant he was when playing. How do you like the way he winks to flirt and say "you want to pick me up"...Too cute.

We finally got the pictures of my fourth daughter's son's second birthday. The two shared the wonderful chocolate cake and the joy of being together. It is so fun to be in our room in the evening and hear the pitter patter of little feet running through the house and a knock knock on our door with sweet voice calling out our names. This little boy is a special critter that bringing a swelling of the heart and a big smile when he reaches up those little arms to his grandadE.

God is good.

Next is the result of a couple of hours of fun on the Internet by the hero with his two granddaughters. They are in order of age. First is Venus's and the second is Iris's.

Iris gathering apples in a basket for her granddadE and grandmomE. How thoughtful.

Venus and GranddadE sailing in the ocean. He asked for a picture of a tall ship on the ocean. She obliged. What good would a ship be without passengers. And what fun would a trip be alone?

These drawing were done on a doodle pad while they talked on yahoo im with the hero.

This is a motivating factor to the hero to continue the fight to overcome. He loves his children, and his grandchildren.

We are still praying for a few miracles and blessings to occur. I know it will happen.

The Chemotherapy has begun

This group is the goal. The hero has so missed all these sweet faces including red beard's. The hope is he will get the strength he needs to be able to travel the 1000 plus miles to see them.

I can see that life as we knew it, is on course for change. As the chemo drugs began to infuse into the hero's veins, his face began to flush, his nose turned bright red and cold. One of the main drugs is in the class of mustard drugs classified as biochemical warfare threats. Thank goodness for the blessings of the Lord. If it weren't for faith, there just wouldn't be any vision of a horizon.

The sisters at the ward were so kind as to make him a blanket to cheer and warm him. On this scary day, he was encompassed by that lovingly done blanket. I will post a picture of him with it after I down load it to the computer. I think the hardest thing to fight is the medications. He has great amounts of pain, because the tumor is pressing on his coccyx. Sitting is out. Lying down is side only. Standing is tiring and painful. As a result the doctors keep pushing to take larger amounts of Morphine. It seems that the goal is just to numb the whole patient....then he is happy. NOT. The larger amounts of Morphine causes depression, then they want to give you antidepressants. The answer is always another drug. The pain management physician (she is an angel) has said that she will be board certified for acupuncture in the coming week. That is the hero's goal: to switch from Morphine to acupuncture. She also gave him a special blanket that reflects back your own body heat to help him through the cold challenges of the chemo. It is hard hearing him have obvious nightmares when he dozes off. I just want to hold him closely and make it go away, but of course that is not possible. I do hold him close and whisper sweet nothings in his ear to help him know he is special each morning. It is hard for him to handle my exuberance in the mornings. It has become harder to make him smile. I know he tries, but he has said that he feels so numb from the morphine. The difficultly of focusing in on reading scriptures, praying and reaching out to the Lord really bothers him. I hope he reaches his goal so he can fight better. They wonder why the treatments don't work...well, the patient can't focus well enough to fight for wellness.

I must stop for now. Thanks for listening.

An Eagle done

This was the Eagle Project.

The project was done last April, but due to his father's health condition, the ceremony was postponed. The project was done for a neglected park in the small city we live in. His brother, father, and fellow scouts came out to help him accomplish this goal. He made picnic tables to increase their options for picnics.

The Scout Master explaining the meaning of being an Eagle Scout.

After the ceremony,fun, and food, we took time to pose together.

Below was the fun, a friend who has a TRex Car had given the dad a ride and it was arranged for a fun trip around town for the new Eagle.

The dad approving the mode of transportation.... yeah right he was having a ball himself.

We are proud of our new Eagle and hope he continues forward.

A Future Sweetheart

The granddadE is glad to have his chance at holding a real valentine's day gift. A new granddaughter that is a sweetie.

Of course, the grandmomE had to have her moment. I can't wait til she can follow us around.

Her birth was a wonder. Her mom slept through the majority of the labor and the doctor arrived in time to catch her, no one knew she was crowning because her mom was asleep, and the nurse was at lunch. When she returned she checked and called for the doctor. It was special watching her emerge into life. The aunts said that was just not right.

Home and Organization

We are at home for a couple of weeks trying to sort out all our mess that was left for us. A basket full of mail, a broken dryer, dry plants, and multiple boxes of storage that needed to be cleaned out. It is a wonder at the amount of paper that can be accumulated in a couple of years.
I am glad that I have been given the throw it away and keep it simple spirit to overcome my tendency to be a pack rat.
There is a more than the usual need to put things in order and be kept in order.
Just talked with the Cancer nurse and they are putting the next round of treatments in order.
Will find out tomorrow or Wednesday where we are going.
Being home and playing with my grandson was a real treat....he is a doll. Terrible twos and all that aside we have fun with GranddadE giving wagon rides....(kills two birds with one stone, the hero gets sunshine and the kiddo gets fun outside of the house.) His mom should be having her little girl any day now.
Later

One New Step and the Completion of Another

Meet my Handsome blue-eyed red headed grandson. He heralded the start of his new life last week after serveral false starts. Because of treatments it was 3 days later that we got to meet him. This was the second grandchild delivery I missed, not a good trend.

In the mean time, we have finished the first radiation treatments, with a big question mark as to if there will be more. Ned is distressed that their only plan had been to reduce the size of the cancer not remove or destroy the offending cancer. It was supposed to help reduce his buttock pain but that has not happened yet, and we are done. Sigh.

We have been approved for have chemotherapy. I say approved because we had to apply for treatment financial aid as the cost of one drug alone is at the $140,000 amount.

He will be receiving AVASTIN®, in combination with intravenous 5-fluorouracil- (this interferes with metabolic machinery in synthesis of nucleic acids) based chemotherapy and Eloxatin (oxaliplatin)[ which first mechanism an alkylating agent attaches alkyl groups to DNA bases. This alteration results in the DNA being fragmented by repair enzymes in their attempts to replace the alkylated bases. Second mechanism by which alkylating agents cause DNA damage is the formation of cross-bridges, bonds between atoms in the DNA. In this process, two bases are linked together by an alkylating agent that has two DNA binding sites. Cross-linking prevents DNA from being separated for synthesis or transcription. The third mechanism of action of alkylating agents causes the mispairing of the nucleotides leading to mutations.

If anyone can explain the alkylated agent in layman terms, I would appreciate it.

I am now really pushing to have the correct alkalizing diet in place since that is the one that has the best effect on colon cancers, and lung cancers.

It was refreshing to visit with the pain management doctor. She knew kenesiology, understood aroma therapy and is certified in accupuncture. I have felt more comfortable with her than anyother doctor. She also did problem solving not just application of a medication for a specfic complaint and also did great teaching using a skeleton and diagrams. Best I have seen so far.

Tomorrow is another two tests, I have to pick up the pickup and trailer to pick up citrus for the spring. I will have to leave my hero alone, but the only place I have to take the test is back at home. The librarians down here have said they don't proctor.

A diller a dollar a 10 o'clock scholar. I must be off to bed.

Nite all